| | Re: Husband depressed again
You have a right to feel whatever you feel. Living with a person who suffers from depression is sometimes too hard to deal with. I am right there with you and resentment is one of my top three feelings.
Depression is serious business and we as their spouses try to be there for them, try to make their lives easier, try to make them smile whenever possible. I don't have to tell you HOW EXHAUSTING IT IS because we usually fail and take the blame. We must stop taking the blame for their moods. We must stop jumping through hoops lit on fire to make their lives easier. We must stop nagging them to get back on the meds and see a doctor. We must, we must, WE MUST. Then why they hell are we still doing these things? Is it love? Obligation? Who knows, but living with someone who has depression, who KNOWS they have depression and they refuse to do anything about it is a horrible circumstance to be in.
Did you ever hear of the Myth of Sisyphus? The gods had condemned Sisyphus to ceaselessly rolling a rock to the top of a mountain, whence the stone would fall back of its own weight. They had thought with some reason that there is no more dreadful punishment than futile and hopeless labor.
That is what living with someone who is depressed AND alcoholic (like me) is. It sounds like your H is also manipulating you and using his depression to get his way. Hey, I'm depressed, can't do the dishes. Oh, I'm depressed, can't take the kid to the babysitter. Ah, I'm depressed, I couldn't possibly fold those towels. That is outright bullsh!t and YOU my dear know it. You know you are being manipulated because you are angry and resentful. At least you see it!!! Now, you gotta stop being manipulated no matter how mad he gets or how many times he stomps his feet and throws a tantrum.
My H doesn't manipulate me or lie, he is straight out with his attitude of: I AM DEPRESSED THEREFORE I REFUSE TO GET OUT OF BED, I REFUSE TO GET A JOB, I REFUSE TO HELP OUT AROUND THE HOUSE, I REFUSE TO SHOWER, I REFUSE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR, I REFUSE TO MOVE OUT OF MY CHAIR, I REFUSE TO FIX THE SUMP PUMP (our basement is flooded because our sump pump is broken, my H is a fkucing PLUMBER for God's sake and I gotta wade down there and jiggle the pipe to get the pump running again. Also, my tub doesn't drain, my kitchen faucet drips - AND HE IS A FKUCING PLUMBER!!!!!)
Now, if he just laid in bed in the dark and never came out, I would bring help to him if I had to. HOWEVER, he is never too tired or too broke to go to the store EVERY NIGHT at Midnight to get his fifth of Rum and stay up all night on the computer playing Mafia Wars.
If it wasn't for Xanax, I would have killed him by now. I think it is time you take a step back and taking baby steps if you need to, stop being manipulated, stop fighting with him. Read up on the 180, it is steps to detach emotionally for YOUR OWN GOOD. It is about YOU, not trying to change him. You will NEVER change HIM.
Take care of yourself first. You have a child, take care of that child. Click on the link in my signature line below and try to follow some of those steps and give his problems back to him. You don't need to carry his burden.
The snake is notoriously tempting
But the snake is fair.
What is worse than not knowing?
To live or disappear?