dbj1971

Hi, confusedinmo.

Good for you on doing the right thing!! (Even though right now you probably feel torn up inside).

This is a classic reason why no one should ever enter affairs, because no matter how it ends, at least one, and likely three or more (if children are involved) people end up getting severely hurt.

Think about this, though. You know how terrible and hurt you feel right now? A betrayed spouse feels at least that bad and even worse.

I promise you that if you focus on your marriage, on your spouse, and work on your marriage (something had to go wrong in the first place for you to want to stray), trying to fix with your husband what was wrong and make your marriage better, the bad feelings will get less and less, and good feelings will start to replace them until, eventually, of all things, you'll be......HAPPY!!!

There is another good site that deals with many marriage issues, including what they call a "withdrawal," which is the confused or bad feelings you're still left with when you sever the tie with the other man or woman. It's "marriagebuilders.com." I encourage you to check it out.

You may have thoughts like, "Oh no, I burned that bridge now I hope works out with my husband." However, turn those negative thoughts into positive ones, like "As hard as it was, I broke ties with the other man, now I can fully focus on my husband and work on my marriage."

Don't give in to the temptation to contact the other man again. The best advice I can give is to never, never, contact him again for any reason. This is radical, but the only (ONLY) way you can be free for good and not be tempted to fall back. In fact, on the site I told you about, they go so far as to say, quit your job or move if that's what it takes to be away from that person (ie, if the other man works with you or is a neighbor).

Best wishes. Again, you definitely made the right choice.

Think about this, when people first meet, they put their "best foot forward," usually. They keep their bad habits and annoying tendencies under wraps for awhile. So, you don't see the "real them" necessarily and it's easy to make unfavorable comparisons between them and your spouse. Sooner or later, you realize that the other person has their own set of hangups and annoying things that get ever harder to overlook when the varnish of the novelty of it all wears off. It's all built on lies anyway. What you have with a spouse is real.

One more thing, and this goes for you and all of us... remember, if someone will do something WITH you, they'll do it TO you. The man or woman who is adulterous with another man's wife or husband can just as likely eventually cheat on the man or wife also. After all, they're not the cream of the relationship crop to begin with, to willfully help a straying wife or husband betray his or her spouse. This principle applies to other situations too. Such as, if I'm around someone who's trying to gossip to me, it just makes me wonder what they're saying about me when I'M not around.

David in MO