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Traveler · 06-19-2008, 03:02 PM

I believe my wife when she tells me she loves me and I truly love her...but having what I am about to tell you in my mind hurts me to no end….

A little about myself…I am a 37 year old married man who works most of the day. When I get home its not the same story as it was when I was single. I no longer make quick turns and go out to meet friends at the bar or club. I take the fact that I have a family at home (wife and stepson) into consideration and when I get home, unless we go somewhere together, I am in for the night.

I caught my flirting with a younger man online (at the time she was 33 and he was a little over 26). When I confronted her, she admitted that she was flirting, but assured me that it wasn't what it seemed. I love my wife very much and you can never believe how much I wanted to trust her in this situation…if she would have told me “1+1=7” and I would have tried to make myself believe it was true. The rational part of me tells me something else. I also learned from some of the comments on her young friend’s profile pictures that she'd met and spent time alone with this young man the summer of 2007, on a seaside vacation halfway around the world in her home country. When I asked her about this she told me he was in fact there as were many other friends from her college class.

Now I have online profiles as well. I have however made it a point to keep ex girlfriends & new interests out of my life (not to mention my profile friend’s lists). I get the occasional invite from friends and family to join social networks…I usually joined to appease them and never used tham again.

When I looked at her profile and saw that he sent her an intimate “cuddle” (facebook) I decided enough was enough and confronted him in a message addressing his interest in my wife. Of course he assured me they were just good friends. After she learned about this from him, she was furious with me. She told me how much my actions embarrassed her. I asked her how she thought this friend of hers might feel if his girlfriend spoke to another man in a manner in which they were speaking and she assured me he wouldn’t like it “because men from my culture are very jealous.” She tells me she no longer flirts with him, but she still talks with him. The latest news is he has a girlfriend.

She also has a few ex-boyfriends on her online profile friend's list. I’ve found other clues but I’ve noticed she makes an effort to hide her private conversations from me (to include creating different profiles). When I've tried to speak to her about them she tells me she doesn't want to argue. She also reminds me that she doesn’t know or ask about what I am doing online so I should give her the same respect.

I’ve though about getting out of her business and going with the flow. I’ve thought of doing my own thing and flirting but I have a very guilty conscious and couldn’t keep a secret like this (my first option would be his girlfriend if she’s as beautiful as my wife says…and if he confronted me I would face him head on).

My wife is very beautiful and men approach her all of the time, so when she’s in the mood the opportunities are more than available. I consider myself attractive but, men traditionally pursue women. I have not been in a situation in which I’ve flirted with other attractive women since our marriage. Despite the fact that I’m guessing men have to put more work into doing things behind their wives back, I also don’t get the feeling it would make me feel like a better person…am I wrong?

Your thoughts?

06-19-2008, 03:02 PM	#1 (permalink)
Traveler Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 1	Secret Marital Relations I believe my wife when she tells me she loves me and I truly love her...but having what I am about to tell you in my mind hurts me to no end…. A little about myself…I am a 37 year old married man who works most of the day. When I get home its not the same story as it was when I was single. I no longer make quick turns and go out to meet friends at the bar or club. I take the fact that I have a family at home (wife and stepson) into consideration and when I get home, unless we go somewhere together, I am in for the night. I caught my flirting with a younger man online (at the time she was 33 and he was a little over 26). When I confronted her, she admitted that she was flirting, but assured me that it wasn't what it seemed. I love my wife very much and you can never believe how much I wanted to trust her in this situation…if she would have told me “1+1=7” and I would have tried to make myself believe it was true. The rational part of me tells me something else. I also learned from some of the comments on her young friend’s profile pictures that she'd met and spent time alone with this young man the summer of 2007, on a seaside vacation halfway around the world in her home country. When I asked her about this she told me he was in fact there as were many other friends from her college class. Now I have online profiles as well. I have however made it a point to keep ex girlfriends & new interests out of my life (not to mention my profile friend’s lists). I get the occasional invite from friends and family to join social networks…I usually joined to appease them and never used tham again. When I looked at her profile and saw that he sent her an intimate “cuddle” (facebook) I decided enough was enough and confronted him in a message addressing his interest in my wife. Of course he assured me they were just good friends. After she learned about this from him, she was furious with me. She told me how much my actions embarrassed her. I asked her how she thought this friend of hers might feel if his girlfriend spoke to another man in a manner in which they were speaking and she assured me he wouldn’t like it “because men from my culture are very jealous.” She tells me she no longer flirts with him, but she still talks with him. The latest news is he has a girlfriend. She also has a few ex-boyfriends on her online profile friend's list. I’ve found other clues but I’ve noticed she makes an effort to hide her private conversations from me (to include creating different profiles). When I've tried to speak to her about them she tells me she doesn't want to argue. She also reminds me that she doesn’t know or ask about what I am doing online so I should give her the same respect. I’ve though about getting out of her business and going with the flow. I’ve thought of doing my own thing and flirting but I have a very guilty conscious and couldn’t keep a secret like this (my first option would be his girlfriend if she’s as beautiful as my wife says…and if he confronted me I would face him head on). My wife is very beautiful and men approach her all of the time, so when she’s in the mood the opportunities are more than available. I consider myself attractive but, men traditionally pursue women. I have not been in a situation in which I’ve flirted with other attractive women since our marriage. Despite the fact that I’m guessing men have to put more work into doing things behind their wives back, I also don’t get the feeling it would make me feel like a better person…am I wrong? Your thoughts?