Scared

My husband and I have been having serious problems for the passed year or so. It seemed to start when I got pregnant and now we have an 8 month old. I love my baby and want him to have a family, but I am not sure I can make it work. I feel like I am incapable of trusting my husband. I have never caught him in the act of having sex with someone else, but I have caught him doing other things like having "video/phone sex." I just feel like he really doesn't love me or maybe he doesn't know how to love. But he is telling me that he loves me know. He had said that he didn't know if loved me before, but now he knows he loves me. But he lies about stupid little things and he is really good at it, and that really scares me. I can't help but think that he lies about everything. He swears to me that he has never cheated on me, but I consider the things he has done cheating anyway.

I just don't know what to do. I don't love him like I did. I read some of my old posts and I remember feeling so heart broken and so desperate for him to love me, but now that feeling is gone. He says he wants to try now and will do anything to make our marriage work, but I don't know if I can forgive him or believe him.

I feel like this desire to work things out is just a temporary thing, and he will go back to his previous distant and cruel self.

He also says I am being selfish and not thinking about my family which really makes me feel like ****. He thinks I should stop dwelling on the past and accept that he is going to change. But I don't know if I can emotionally take any more of him. He makes me feel broken.

And to his defense, he has been nicer the past couple of weeks, but he also thinks I am having an affair, so maybe that is the only reason he is being nice. And he is out of work right now, so I also fear that he just wants someone to take care of him.