Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

fluidpower123 · 09-24-2007, 10:18 PM

Raising children this age must be exhausting. You said that he only comes home every 2nd week since you were four months pregnant. Did he have a change of job? Does he work at the same place but this absenteeism is new? If so is he running from something? How was the marriage before children? It appears as if it was challenging.
First you have a tremendous communication problem. He doesn't understand what your needs are and he eithor doesn't listen or want to listen when you tell him. I recommend the book "The Five Love Languages" The premise of the book is that all of us have one of the five different love languages (needs) to be fulfilled. Unless or partner knows which one of the five we have, our needs will never be fulfilled. ie. you want to spend time with him - but he doesn't understand how important that is to you - partly because it is not important to him to feel fulfilled that way. The book will help with this - I suggest reading it with him.

Secondly, set a time aside for togetherness, perhaps an hour a week, go out for a coffee, movie etc. Make a rule that when you go out neithor of you can talk about the children. Conversation may be difficult at first but it will get better.

The internet sex thing does concern me. How is your sex life now? I imagine with young children it is probably stressed like much of your life. If he has made a concious decision to pull away from sex intentionally then there are other issues going on.

Lastly and this may be the most difficult thing, given your past struggles and your new challenges with children, your husband being away from home so long, by the way you described it, your marriage is at a critical point. I would strongly suggest your husband get a job where he can be home every night and help you. This may mean a little less income and a few sacrifices but if you continue on down this road, he risks losing his marriage and possibly his job as well. It is of utmost importance that he becomes a true partner and support to and for you, and you his supporter.
Hope this helps.

09-24-2007, 10:18 PM	#6 (permalink)
fluidpower123 Registered User Join Date: Sep 2007 Posts: 1	Re: Why am I feeling this way??? Raising children this age must be exhausting. You said that he only comes home every 2nd week since you were four months pregnant. Did he have a change of job? Does he work at the same place but this absenteeism is new? If so is he running from something? How was the marriage before children? It appears as if it was challenging. First you have a tremendous communication problem. He doesn't understand what your needs are and he eithor doesn't listen or want to listen when you tell him. I recommend the book "The Five Love Languages" The premise of the book is that all of us have one of the five different love languages (needs) to be fulfilled. Unless or partner knows which one of the five we have, our needs will never be fulfilled. ie. you want to spend time with him - but he doesn't understand how important that is to you - partly because it is not important to him to feel fulfilled that way. The book will help with this - I suggest reading it with him. Secondly, set a time aside for togetherness, perhaps an hour a week, go out for a coffee, movie etc. Make a rule that when you go out neithor of you can talk about the children. Conversation may be difficult at first but it will get better. The internet sex thing does concern me. How is your sex life now? I imagine with young children it is probably stressed like much of your life. If he has made a concious decision to pull away from sex intentionally then there are other issues going on. Lastly and this may be the most difficult thing, given your past struggles and your new challenges with children, your husband being away from home so long, by the way you described it, your marriage is at a critical point. I would strongly suggest your husband get a job where he can be home every night and help you. This may mean a little less income and a few sacrifices but if you continue on down this road, he risks losing his marriage and possibly his job as well. It is of utmost importance that he becomes a true partner and support to and for you, and you his supporter. Hope this helps.