Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Question for those who survived an affair

New Beginnings · 11-10-2009, 08:44 AM

One last thing too. STOP blaming yourself for this. There may be some things that we have done to "push" our spouse to someone else but in all reality they had control over their decision making, not you. You need to remember this because one of the other things that a cheating spouse will do is play the blame game. They will blame you for their actions because they do not accept accountability at this stage in the process. You need to realize this because it is not YOU that cheated, it was her. That was her decision she made, not you. Your problems were something that could have been addressed from what you said were some of the problems and you can't hold the responsibility of this affair as your personal baggage too. You just can't do that to yourself. Don't forget this. You can change your actions, you can change what is going on in the relationship but don't carry that other baggage. That is her's to bare.

Also changing shifts isn't really an option to me. There is still potential contact before or after a shift. In all reality, she needs to change employers to completely eliminate him from her chance to see him. Otherwise you wont get anywhere.

11-10-2009, 08:44 AM	#9 (permalink)
New Beginnings Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 126	Re: Question for those who survived an affair One last thing too. STOP blaming yourself for this. There may be some things that we have done to "push" our spouse to someone else but in all reality they had control over their decision making, not you. You need to remember this because one of the other things that a cheating spouse will do is play the blame game. They will blame you for their actions because they do not accept accountability at this stage in the process. You need to realize this because it is not YOU that cheated, it was her. That was her decision she made, not you. Your problems were something that could have been addressed from what you said were some of the problems and you can't hold the responsibility of this affair as your personal baggage too. You just can't do that to yourself. Don't forget this. You can change your actions, you can change what is going on in the relationship but don't carry that other baggage. That is her's to bare. Also changing shifts isn't really an option to me. There is still potential contact before or after a shift. In all reality, she needs to change employers to completely eliminate him from her chance to see him. Otherwise you wont get anywhere.