strongandtrue

Anyone here tell you that they love you with a smile on their face then the very next day tell you it's over ?

We've been together for 14 years (married 10) and have a 16 year old from her previous marriage (he was 2 when I met her). Being a step parent has been the biggest challenge in my life and seems to be the recurring reason for our battles. Not to mention her family who has constantly tried to create separation (they are very controlling), however we endured and found ourselves even further in love than we ever were. So far so good right ?

So like most couples we agree that we disagree a lot on how to raise her/our son, we're both strong willed people and my wife has this phobia that any discipline in the household may result in how she was raised by her father which truly was a controlling and verbally abusive situation (I've met him and can vouch for that).

Our past has been plagued with challenges as I mentioned above, we've been through thick and thin and love each other so much. Then 4 years ago she abruptly tells me its over, I was absolutely devastated and couldn't live with the thought that I would lose her and our son. She just turned cold and heartless overnight it was unbelievable. No matter what I'd say or how much I would profess my love for her and her son she had her mind made up and could care a less about what I had to say. Apparently my attempts to create structure and discipline in our home were unwelcome as she believed I didn't love her son enough. This simply was untrue.

3 weeks later she turns around and tells me she's sorry and that I'm the best husband and father.... I found peace again in my life and we moved forward.

Again things happen, our son has been arrested for drugs over and over and she merely talks to him as a form of discipline and he becomes more and more manipulative. Mind you he's a teenager and this is kind of normal (rebellion and I guess drugs) and I'm calmer about these situations because he needs guidance but also must deal with the consequences so he loses all privileges. My wife cannot deal with this and we fight off and on for a year (he was on house arrest then probation). For every thing I do to make him accountable she counteracts with giving him additional privileges. Once again he ends up back in jail for drugs, one more time and they take him from us. So again I talk to him and her and the judge flat out told her that she's not doing her job as a parent. Things change, she adheres to the judges orders and long story short - he changes, gets a girlfriend and makes great grades (A's and B's). All his privileges are restored and we allow him to stay out late on the weekends and spend the night Friday and Saturday if he desires.

So then our sex life explodes at this point, I mean she goes from a 2 or 3 to a 15 on a scale of 1 to 10. Apparently hitting the age of 35 is where her sexual peek is. I can barely keep up with her ! I ask her whats going on, she responds with the fact that our son is older and will be moving out soon. Ok, no complaint there.

3 months ago she gets laid off from work, like all challenges we work through it and I am very supportive. I help her with revising her resume and tell her I'll do anything and everything I can to keep our house and cars. 2 months go by and she starts to do odd things like read these sex novels 24 hours a day. She never picked up a book the entire time we were together.

Then last week, each day I would come home from the office she would start questioning me on why I haven't asked for more money at work, or why I don't look for a higher paying job - your so smart we deserve more and I'll never make as much money as I did. I'm confused by all this as this isn't her usual self. Day after day she tears into me about money and finances which we're paying through money put away in savings. We have enough money to last 12 or so months.

Then last Saturday we get into another short altercation, she didn't tell me he was spending the night and I waited up late (she was out with her friend @ the movies) and I got worried because he didn't call or come home. So I send her a text message and never here from her, so she shows up at midnight and tells me that she forgot to mention that he's spending the night at a friends. Ok - whatever, I wasn't happy about it (not the first time its happened) but got over it. So Sunday rolls around and I do my weekly yard work, go inside to pack my clothes for a business trip and notice she's not communicating with me, she drives me to the airport and I tell her I love her and she says nothing. I was well aware of the tension, went into the airport and wrote her a loving email letting her know that travel is hard on me being away from her and our son and that I love the two of them so much. She waits till I arrive at my destination and emails me and tells me its over.

I call her from the hotel and ask what's wrong and she says she's unhappy. I ask why and she says its me, I'm not nice enough to our sons friends or his girlfriend and I'm not aggressive enough at work and I don't make enough money and she wants to be happy and that requires her to leave me. I had very little to say - again I was absolutely devastated and heart broken. I couldn't sleep and my insides were all torn up. I attended my business meeting and got a flight back home the very next day. She picks me up and I'm being very cautious with her and she lashes out at me and tells me its over. I explained that I wasn't going to talk about it and to change the subject - she continues to push and push....

We get home and I decide that I've heard enough, I sat her down and explained that I love my family and I'm not going anywhere - if her decision is to leave then leave because apparently her mind is made up. We endured so much together, worked so hard to raise a difficult child and spent years making our home and life so good and she wants out. I'm so confused !

I was direct and explained how I felt, that's all I can do. I know she's not cheating on me and I also know that being out of work is very stressful. What concerns me is she might leave and if she does this to me I may never let her back into my life. Each time she tells me its over it takes a huge toll on me, I love her and I love our son but this emotional destruction is simply killing me inside out. How can someone be so in love with someone and then just become cold and careless ? I get mad, she gets mad - we make up, it happens.

So this morning I wake up and she apologizes to me for telling me when I went out of town. She asks me to help her with her resume which I do, I was caring and helpful then I got dressed for work. She walked outside with me and I gave her a hug and a kiss. She was kind to me again, I didn't tell her I love her as I fear her response. I get home today and she appears to be digressing again.

I'm lost and totally unsure about what to do or what to say to her. I'm afraid that she'll turn on me again or I'll move too fast or too slow. You know, a type of situation that is impossible to read. I'm a good husband and I own up to my mistakes but I've never given up or stopped loving them.

I'm very sorry for the long story.