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strongandtrue · 11-11-2009, 04:43 PM

Perimenopause, I hadn't thought of that one. I looked at the symptoms and it's hard to say, only 1 or 2 are really applicable. This would be difficult for me to say and even more difficult to suggest that she consult a doctor - she's pretty stubborn to deal with in the current state she's in...

Reflecting on what's changed may be the best way to understand what's happening. Simply put, she went from attending church, being a supportive positive person and rarely ever cursing with a pretty predictive sexual schedule. Today she is full out cursing, yells at her son more than ever, is aggressive and self consumed by these damn sex books (e.g. bondage, spanking etc). She doesn't attend church at all and has become preoccupied with reading all the time. I come home from work, ask her about her day etc and I sit down to relax for the evening. She runs off to another room and reads till 2 am non-stop. Her sexual appetite is on high alert and I see why you indicate that even though I believe I'm fulfilling her needs, perhaps I'm not - right. Well I can't see anything to say she's having an affair, even if its just a sexual affair and nothing more. However, I'm not going to discount it as that would be foolish of me.

Her late night outings with her female friends are pretty common place and they often jump from a movie to a bar then home. As for last weekend I did see the same female friend drop off that picked her up, the bank statements indicate that she did 'buy' a ticket and she did eat at a restaurant after wards. Unless I start calling every cell number I don't recognize to see who answers, I'll never know and that will pretty much make a bad situation worse as she's sure to hear about it.

We did the therapy thing years ago, it got to the point that even though I may not have handled things in the right manner (my delivery as I'm told) - my intent and heart were in the right place. It eventually got to a point where the counselor asked to work with just her. Years prior to that we also met with counselors regularly for blended families when our son was young - it was difficult on all of us but like I said, we endured.

I truly believe that she will not attend any counseling at this point - I'm a prisoner so to speak with little or no rights. I stood my ground and said leave if you want to leave as I have no control other than telling her that the two of them are my life and that I love her and will work to help resolve any issues.

Yes, why am I not making enough money... Good question, it's been stirring in my head for some time now. So her comment the night she picked me up (I didn't indicate it earlier) was that I could have the house - she didn't care. So the next day I spoke with my boss and asked for a raise to cover her 1/2 of the mortgage - I already pay for everything else. She may change her mind, whatever - I'll deal with it when it happens.

She loves or at least enjoyed working but again, her intentions are debatable. What killed it for her was having to work from home the last 2-3 years - that social starvation killed her as she's a very sociable person.

So today she finalized her resume and started to submit it so that is a good sign, but she is still being off and on short and cold about things. For instance, I called her this afternoon to ask how things are going and she says that she bought me new dress pants and a dress shirt for work. I was thrilled and thanked her and then she starts in with I can pay her back. What ? Really ? Should I be keeping track and itemizing costs I'm incurring as well ?? Again, what chemical imbalance am I dealing with here.

11-11-2009, 04:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
strongandtrue Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 7	Re: Heartbroken x2 Perimenopause, I hadn't thought of that one. I looked at the symptoms and it's hard to say, only 1 or 2 are really applicable. This would be difficult for me to say and even more difficult to suggest that she consult a doctor - she's pretty stubborn to deal with in the current state she's in... Reflecting on what's changed may be the best way to understand what's happening. Simply put, she went from attending church, being a supportive positive person and rarely ever cursing with a pretty predictive sexual schedule. Today she is full out cursing, yells at her son more than ever, is aggressive and self consumed by these damn sex books (e.g. bondage, spanking etc). She doesn't attend church at all and has become preoccupied with reading all the time. I come home from work, ask her about her day etc and I sit down to relax for the evening. She runs off to another room and reads till 2 am non-stop. Her sexual appetite is on high alert and I see why you indicate that even though I believe I'm fulfilling her needs, perhaps I'm not - right. Well I can't see anything to say she's having an affair, even if its just a sexual affair and nothing more. However, I'm not going to discount it as that would be foolish of me. Her late night outings with her female friends are pretty common place and they often jump from a movie to a bar then home. As for last weekend I did see the same female friend drop off that picked her up, the bank statements indicate that she did 'buy' a ticket and she did eat at a restaurant after wards. Unless I start calling every cell number I don't recognize to see who answers, I'll never know and that will pretty much make a bad situation worse as she's sure to hear about it. We did the therapy thing years ago, it got to the point that even though I may not have handled things in the right manner (my delivery as I'm told) - my intent and heart were in the right place. It eventually got to a point where the counselor asked to work with just her. Years prior to that we also met with counselors regularly for blended families when our son was young - it was difficult on all of us but like I said, we endured. I truly believe that she will not attend any counseling at this point - I'm a prisoner so to speak with little or no rights. I stood my ground and said leave if you want to leave as I have no control other than telling her that the two of them are my life and that I love her and will work to help resolve any issues. Yes, why am I not making enough money... Good question, it's been stirring in my head for some time now. So her comment the night she picked me up (I didn't indicate it earlier) was that I could have the house - she didn't care. So the next day I spoke with my boss and asked for a raise to cover her 1/2 of the mortgage - I already pay for everything else. She may change her mind, whatever - I'll deal with it when it happens. She loves or at least enjoyed working but again, her intentions are debatable. What killed it for her was having to work from home the last 2-3 years - that social starvation killed her as she's a very sociable person. So today she finalized her resume and started to submit it so that is a good sign, but she is still being off and on short and cold about things. For instance, I called her this afternoon to ask how things are going and she says that she bought me new dress pants and a dress shirt for work. I was thrilled and thanked her and then she starts in with I can pay her back. What ? Really ? Should I be keeping track and itemizing costs I'm incurring as well ?? Again, what chemical imbalance am I dealing with here.