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New Beginnings · 11-12-2009, 11:41 AM

I would suspect your wife may have overlooked something back when your dating and was able to ignore it or accept it at the time. The problem is when you have a personality trait that she actually dislikes, it may have just taken time to get out of the honeymoon stage for her to really start to hate it. I think the best way for you to look at this issue is that she has gotten tired of it. It probably is more negativity than she can handle anymore and without you changing your personality trait, she will continue to degress. What you need to do is step back and look at people completely differently. You need to make a concious effort to change that behavior out in public and not just when your with her but when your not as well.

I was completely like you for a very long time. I actually hated other people and considered their position in life (upper class-lower class) a easily predetermined stereotype. Its a hateful way I was going through life and it was very taxing on my relationship at the time. Looking back at myself, I have a really hard time with who I was and it sickens me typing this too. It took a devastating divorce, to open my eyes to who I was to a degree and then a lot of self analysis to reprogram my demeanor. I made a point every day to do something kind for someone and always made sure I was a complete gentleman and kind to anyone who I came into contact with. I can say now that I am not anything like who I was and have been told how completely different I am now.

Your wife may have just that as an issue but there could be many other things piling up too for her. The main thing to focus on is what signs she gives you that there are underlying issues for her that need your help. So listen very closely to what she says, woman can be very subtle, and then think about what it is your doing to fuel that. Stay neutral with her, don't back lash if she tells you something, truly listen to her and what she says without trying to verbally fix anything, and then maybe you will have a good grasp of what it is that you need to change.

I could tell from your verbage that you probably think it is okay for you to have this mentality with strangers and such. If it is your desire to be that way then you basically have to decide of that behavior is more valuable to you than she is to you.

Good luck.

11-12-2009, 11:41 AM	#4 (permalink)
New Beginnings Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 126	Re: Where has the Desire gone?????!!!!!!!! I would suspect your wife may have overlooked something back when your dating and was able to ignore it or accept it at the time. The problem is when you have a personality trait that she actually dislikes, it may have just taken time to get out of the honeymoon stage for her to really start to hate it. I think the best way for you to look at this issue is that she has gotten tired of it. It probably is more negativity than she can handle anymore and without you changing your personality trait, she will continue to degress. What you need to do is step back and look at people completely differently. You need to make a concious effort to change that behavior out in public and not just when your with her but when your not as well. I was completely like you for a very long time. I actually hated other people and considered their position in life (upper class-lower class) a easily predetermined stereotype. Its a hateful way I was going through life and it was very taxing on my relationship at the time. Looking back at myself, I have a really hard time with who I was and it sickens me typing this too. It took a devastating divorce, to open my eyes to who I was to a degree and then a lot of self analysis to reprogram my demeanor. I made a point every day to do something kind for someone and always made sure I was a complete gentleman and kind to anyone who I came into contact with. I can say now that I am not anything like who I was and have been told how completely different I am now. Your wife may have just that as an issue but there could be many other things piling up too for her. The main thing to focus on is what signs she gives you that there are underlying issues for her that need your help. So listen very closely to what she says, woman can be very subtle, and then think about what it is your doing to fuel that. Stay neutral with her, don't back lash if she tells you something, truly listen to her and what she says without trying to verbally fix anything, and then maybe you will have a good grasp of what it is that you need to change. I could tell from your verbage that you probably think it is okay for you to have this mentality with strangers and such. If it is your desire to be that way then you basically have to decide of that behavior is more valuable to you than she is to you. Good luck.