strongandtrue

She had been separated from him since the birth of her son, which was 2 years before I met her. She simply couldn't locate him to have him served with divorce papers.

I don't compare her with her mother, just hard to not perform a what-if in my mind. I never speak of her family or their attempt at causing harm to our relationship. I leave it alone as she has done a great job in separating our lives from her relationship with them.

I would go to therapy anytime but I believe she got her fill, we did this quite a few times years ago for various reasons ranging from blended family support (for me), adoption of her niece (for all of us), arguments over raising our son (one on one, two of us then the three of us and variations etc..)

She had a pretty hard life growing up, dealing with impossible rules and her verbally abusive father, the divorce of her parents and the abandonment of her mother/father in times of need. Even when she was pregnant her family left her to fend for herself as her then husband was no where to be found. I pretty much attribute her lack of wanting rules and parental follow through to that. I understand why she must hate enforcing rules (no rules equal zero tension right) out of fear that she'll come across acting like her father but I also can't have him holding us hostage in our home and doing whatever he pleases and talking to us however he pleases.

He's a good kid regardless of his past choices and because he's a kid he needs strong direction and the love of a family. His biological father barely acknowledged his existence and it's been difficult on him all these years. He turns 17 in February and has indicated that he wants to move out this summer. I disagree but I've stayed out of it as his mother is dealing with him on this topic - I encourage her to have him stay, finish high school and enrolling in college but he wants to live by his own rules.