Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

Moonlight · 06-22-2008, 11:14 PM

Hi I'm new and in need of advice and comfort.

My boyfriend and I have been in a monogamous relationship for 4 years. We met over the internet and became very good friends, we finally met, he moved to my city, and lived there for 2 years while attending school (I did not live with him) He got ancy and wanted to move completely across the country so I went because we were very close, best friends in fact, and we have been here for about a year and a half. Well his life is very difficult, he is not a criminal, nor has any skeletons in his closet, I cannot disclose his situation but it is hard. He had a fall out with his family last month while they were visiting. He also has no degree at 24 years old or any money in fact. So he is feeling alone without his family and money and now I'm leaving to go out of state to school and he will stay here.

I have never met anyone like him, that may sound naive but he is my best friend, we communicate thoroughly and have VERY similar interests, sense of humors, and we haven't had problems we couldn't handle..

NOW, here is what I'm going through. He is very closed off, and wants to be left alone, I am careful not to say or do anything that will upset him, because he is so depressed he wouldn't mind telling me its over. I asked him if its me or anything I can do, no, I should just leave him alone, and that's OK. BUT I go to bed around 11, or 12 and he stays up all night until 7am, and he has always done this on summer vacation. but now hes been drinking a little bit alone, and has his own facebook. I don't go near that because we have kept friends and our situation separate. I know he has been talking to a girl, I caught him on webcam and with his shirt off, I dont care if hes on camera but he HID it when i came into the room. Hes been shaving which is not normal for him on vacation he even shaved his chest hair. I know that no one can match the connection we have and he has said that himself but now I dont know what to do. I suffer from anxiety and went off my medication about 6 months ago because i wanted to try life without it, and i was fine until my world came crumbling down.

So, How can I deal with this? I will definitely break us up if i am forceful with anything. I want this to work, because he is my soul mate. should i shrug this off and wait it out? i asked if he still wants to be with me he said he wouldn't be here if he didn't, and i know that. he isn't shy about his feelings. he also said that this wont be for a few weeks it'll be for a few months. I wonder sometimes if hes waiting for those few months for me to move and for him to maybe date other women. I don't know...

I should also mention that we have been sex-less for more than 8 months, because i gained some weight and he wanted me to get into the shape i was in when i met him, and i respect and understand that.

PLEASE HELP.

06-22-2008, 11:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
Moonlight Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 8	New and need help Hi I'm new and in need of advice and comfort. My boyfriend and I have been in a monogamous relationship for 4 years. We met over the internet and became very good friends, we finally met, he moved to my city, and lived there for 2 years while attending school (I did not live with him) He got ancy and wanted to move completely across the country so I went because we were very close, best friends in fact, and we have been here for about a year and a half. Well his life is very difficult, he is not a criminal, nor has any skeletons in his closet, I cannot disclose his situation but it is hard. He had a fall out with his family last month while they were visiting. He also has no degree at 24 years old or any money in fact. So he is feeling alone without his family and money and now I'm leaving to go out of state to school and he will stay here. I have never met anyone like him, that may sound naive but he is my best friend, we communicate thoroughly and have VERY similar interests, sense of humors, and we haven't had problems we couldn't handle.. NOW, here is what I'm going through. He is very closed off, and wants to be left alone, I am careful not to say or do anything that will upset him, because he is so depressed he wouldn't mind telling me its over. I asked him if its me or anything I can do, no, I should just leave him alone, and that's OK. BUT I go to bed around 11, or 12 and he stays up all night until 7am, and he has always done this on summer vacation. but now hes been drinking a little bit alone, and has his own facebook. I don't go near that because we have kept friends and our situation separate. I know he has been talking to a girl, I caught him on webcam and with his shirt off, I dont care if hes on camera but he HID it when i came into the room. Hes been shaving which is not normal for him on vacation he even shaved his chest hair. I know that no one can match the connection we have and he has said that himself but now I dont know what to do. I suffer from anxiety and went off my medication about 6 months ago because i wanted to try life without it, and i was fine until my world came crumbling down. So, How can I deal with this? I will definitely break us up if i am forceful with anything. I want this to work, because he is my soul mate. should i shrug this off and wait it out? i asked if he still wants to be with me he said he wouldn't be here if he didn't, and i know that. he isn't shy about his feelings. he also said that this wont be for a few weeks it'll be for a few months. I wonder sometimes if hes waiting for those few months for me to move and for him to maybe date other women. I don't know... I should also mention that we have been sex-less for more than 8 months, because i gained some weight and he wanted me to get into the shape i was in when i met him, and i respect and understand that. PLEASE HELP.