Commited1

Scared,

wow your post sounds so much like what my own wife would say in our current situation that its.....scary. WE have an 8 month old baby as well, I have been cold and distant in the past, and my wife also (probably) thinks that I am into video/phone sex. I say she probably thinks that because before we met she knows I did that and she has been freaked out about it ever since. Freaked out to the point where if she finds a USB cable or camera (I use all kinds of cameras for work, some of them happen to hook up to the computer) she thinks I am having video sex. Also, the past couple of weeks I have been super nice to my wife and have been saying the same kinds of things you say your husband is saying. Also, she (probably) thinks I am cheating her- I say this because I am around all different kinds of women all day at work and she implies pretty strongly that I am probably doing something other than working with these girls. Also, she thinks that I think she is having an internet affair with someone, when in reality I am just jealous of the amount of time she has spent online with this person. And I told her that.

Just like I wish my wife would do, maybe what you should do where your husband is concerned is this: be very direct and straightforward with how you feel, but make your statements in a calm and rational way. In my situation the answer is to just put the computers away for a few weeks so both parties can see that the other person is willing to be away from what the other person thinks they are doing.

Everything has to be transparent and out in the open. No erasing 'previous calls' on the phones, giving each other voice mail passwords etc. and really just being totally open to letting each other into each others privacy. When enough trust has been established to get the computers back up and running, both parties get the 'net nannies' or other software/hardware that lets each person see what the other person is doing/has done. It can't be one sided.

Also, make a point to spend time with him. That is part of the point of putting the computers away. Do stuff with him. Even just sitting there talking or having a beer together and being quiet on the porch. Just BEING TOGETHER can do wonders in my opinion. If only you were my wife and I knew that what you posted is what is going on inside her head. lol. Good luck!