Quote:
Originally Posted by MEM11363
BUT ALL of these things have to be done in a calm, rational way. When she says - what do you mean you aren't coming to my parents house. You have to be able to say: I don't feel loved, I am not having my needs met in this marriage, and therefore no longer feel inclined to do things that I don't enjoy. When my needs are being met, and I feel loved we can return to the old way of doing things.
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It's all about what we used to call in England "stick and carrot". It's a balance between getting the behaviour you want by being loving, versus being firm. There is a place for both behaviours.
A husband who is firm and commanding all the time is not a turn on. He is hard work!
A husband who tries to be permanently nicey-nice, who always puts his wife first, and never takes anything for himself, comes over as low-adrenalin boring. You have to mix it up.
Temper love with grit
