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Originally Posted by MarkTwain
And... you need to be firm with her. Stop letting her make all the decisions. So what if she throws a tantrum for the first few weeks until she gets used to the new you.
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Actually, I have done this before and yes it has worked like a charm. Tantrums yes, but generally improved quality of life for her afterward.
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You see, she is living in a private hell. She desperately wants someone to show her boundaries. But by walking on eggshells and constantly accommodating her, you do the opposite. If you stood up to her and said NO a little more often, although she would shout at you, she would actually feel relieved.
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I think you are right. We actually had a little bit of an argument tonight and she interacted with me more than she has for the past few days.
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If you TELL her, "granny has to go", she will feel unburdened of the guilt - it will be your fault not hers. That's what she wants.
Bad move. Never tell someone this. It's bad negotiation tactics. If she know that your bottom line is total oblivion (yours that is), she will take you there. Better to let her know there is a line in the sand.
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Ok, you are right but how do I pull this off without making it sound like an ultimatum (granny or me)? Lets say it does sound like an ultimatum and she goes for it with a tantrum. That's fine. Lets say she just doesn't go for it and tells me to move out if I don't like it and doesn't budge? I won't move out.
Honestly, granny being here means her family is here ALLOT and the more she is around her mother and brother....well you know, it just ruins her attitude. Getting granny out would kill allot of birds with a single stone. This is also a flip house, and I am just a few months away from finishing it- we planned on buying, moving in, renovating, selling a profit and moving out. In the space of a year. When we move I can just refuse to take granny with us.
Who knows, but I am getting desperate. Maybe sooner is better. Apparently granny isn't too happy either. I wish I would have been perceptive enough to nip this in the bud a couple of months ago. I just hope it is not too late. I will never quit on this but living with a beautiful woman who gave birth to all your kids, feeling all kinds of affection (and the need for) and being completely hated by that woman is getting to be a real hell.