squirsh2000

I do agree, that I have to start thinking about my feelings. However, I am not ready to start dating anyone, period. I do not believe it would help ME, and I wouldnt want to do that just to get my wife to reconsider things. I wouldnt want to get attached to anyone for the wrong reasons, and I also wouldnt want to mess with another girls head. Dont get me wrong, out of anger I have said to my self that I should go get a girl, but I think this would just be replacement therapy and wouldnt truly help me right now, no matter what happens with my wife and I.

I am in the mindframe right now of trying to take responsibility for what I did to contribute to the marriage crumbling, and trying to work on my own issues, which are the only things I have control over. I dont know if Im taking too much blame here or not, but no matter what, it does take 2 to tango, and I want to improve aspects of my character, for Im sure I will be in another relationship someday, whether its reconciling with my wife or another woman.

The following situation is something I do need to work on with my self, to get over some insecurities that used to creep into our marriage (and still creep into my head even now.) My wife went out last night, and whenever she would go out without me, I would always get this gnawing feeling in my stomach that she was going to meet someone who would be better than me. My thoughts are very irrational, I realize that after i calm down, but I always had a problem when she would go out, especially after the incident 7 years ago. I guess I have absolutely no self esteem and think that anyone she would meet would be better than me. I also think over the years that I gave off the impression that I had no faith in her character at all, that I thought she would hop in the sack with some random guy she would meet out somewhere. I do think it affected us, and her. Im sure it wore on her, I know it would have worn on me.

If I reflect and be honest with myself, I feel that I am being a bit arrogant and selfish, along with being very, very insecure. I suppose that my image of myself makes me feel that anyone she would meet would be better than me, and this made me discourage her in the past from branching out and evolving socially. But, instead of working on my own issues with my self esteem and insecurities, I would manipulate her into not evolving herself, just to make me comfortable and secure. My rationale was, "if she dosent go out, she cant meet someone, thus she will always be here with me." These insecurities did severely affect our marriage. For instance, she didnt go to her 10 year reunion, out of fear that I would grill her about guys she was with in high school, for instance. She decided, "its not worth the confrontation, so I wont go."

To sum this post up, I hope I can shed some light on possibly why things evolved the way they did, to get some insight from people who may have felt the same way that I do, and to get perspective from soneone who may have been dealing with the things that my wife had to deal with. I supposed because I was so insecure, I was looking for constant reinforcement from my wife, and since I didnt get it the way I wanted it, I manipulated the situation to cause me the least amount of anxiety and pain. I was no angel through all of this, I didnt make it easy for her either...

Any input would be great...thanks for reading...