Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

BrokenFrag · 06-23-2008, 03:53 PM

Well, almost all the paperwork is finished with my wife, and she finally gave me as close to a reason for cheating on me and leaving me as she ever has.

I am too nice a guy. There you have it folks. I am too nice a guy. I was too eager to please, too giving, too loving, too faithful, too trustworthy, too stable, too dependable, too kind. I guess I was also too boring, not driven enough, not confident enough, not sexy enough, not exciting enough.

I made it too easy for her. She never had to work for anything in the relationship or to earn my love, so she never valued the relationship, and didn't value my love. Now she is with a guy who pretends to be a thug, who doesn't mind sleeping with a married woman, who knows what he wants, goes for it even if people get hurt, and she is head over heels in love. He seems like he could be nice enough and not abuse her so he is perfect.
She told me that women don't want a nice guy. They want a guy who can be nice. Loving unconditionally, sacrificing for those that I love, being there for her when she was down and ill was a turn off for her. Sure it was nice to have me around, but it didn't get her motor running, and you can't be in a relationship unless there is attraction.

She told me that confidence is the key to attraction. I asked her how I was supposed to be confident, when she never supported me, never helped me grow, told me I wasn't good enough, wasn't attractive enough, and was too nice. How can you abuse someone for years and then leave them because they lack confidence.

She also doesn't think her affair was anything more than perhaps a bad decision that I now have to deal with. She doesn't believe that it will come back to bite her because she doesn't believe that karma works on a one to one basis. She went so far to say that the universe balances everything out. Not in the punish those who are bad or reward those who are good way. It is more that it is ok for her to be bad because I am so good. Maybe she is right.

I have done things the right way my whole life. I have been the good son, the good brother, the good husband. And I have nothing but a broken heart and a divorce to show for it.

She has used people her whole life. She has hurt several people very badly, but she keeps getting everything she wants. In 30 years, not once has anything gone wrong for her.

And to rub it in, we each had to call the bank to order new checks for our individual accounts. I was charged for them, but somehow she got a rep on the phone that waived the price. Can a guy get a break?

Sigh. I don't normally believe in past lives, but I must have really screwed up in one. Either that, or everything is random. You can go after what you want a positive way, or a negative way, and the universe could care less which way you do it.

I don't know if I ever want to attempt marriage again. So many people here post about all the problems that come with trusting and loving someone. It took me 8 years to realize I was being used by my wife. Everyone still thinks she is an angel. When asked what happened to us, she just says it didn't work out and we decided to separate. I guess that is true, but it isn't the truth.

What is a nice guy to do?

06-23-2008, 03:53 PM	#1 (permalink)
BrokenFrag Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 81	Nice guys do finish last. Well, almost all the paperwork is finished with my wife, and she finally gave me as close to a reason for cheating on me and leaving me as she ever has. I am too nice a guy. There you have it folks. I am too nice a guy. I was too eager to please, too giving, too loving, too faithful, too trustworthy, too stable, too dependable, too kind. I guess I was also too boring, not driven enough, not confident enough, not sexy enough, not exciting enough. I made it too easy for her. She never had to work for anything in the relationship or to earn my love, so she never valued the relationship, and didn't value my love. Now she is with a guy who pretends to be a thug, who doesn't mind sleeping with a married woman, who knows what he wants, goes for it even if people get hurt, and she is head over heels in love. He seems like he could be nice enough and not abuse her so he is perfect. She told me that women don't want a nice guy. They want a guy who can be nice. Loving unconditionally, sacrificing for those that I love, being there for her when she was down and ill was a turn off for her. Sure it was nice to have me around, but it didn't get her motor running, and you can't be in a relationship unless there is attraction. She told me that confidence is the key to attraction. I asked her how I was supposed to be confident, when she never supported me, never helped me grow, told me I wasn't good enough, wasn't attractive enough, and was too nice. How can you abuse someone for years and then leave them because they lack confidence. She also doesn't think her affair was anything more than perhaps a bad decision that I now have to deal with. She doesn't believe that it will come back to bite her because she doesn't believe that karma works on a one to one basis. She went so far to say that the universe balances everything out. Not in the punish those who are bad or reward those who are good way. It is more that it is ok for her to be bad because I am so good. Maybe she is right. I have done things the right way my whole life. I have been the good son, the good brother, the good husband. And I have nothing but a broken heart and a divorce to show for it. She has used people her whole life. She has hurt several people very badly, but she keeps getting everything she wants. In 30 years, not once has anything gone wrong for her. And to rub it in, we each had to call the bank to order new checks for our individual accounts. I was charged for them, but somehow she got a rep on the phone that waived the price. Can a guy get a break? Sigh. I don't normally believe in past lives, but I must have really screwed up in one. Either that, or everything is random. You can go after what you want a positive way, or a negative way, and the universe could care less which way you do it. I don't know if I ever want to attempt marriage again. So many people here post about all the problems that come with trusting and loving someone. It took me 8 years to realize I was being used by my wife. Everyone still thinks she is an angel. When asked what happened to us, she just says it didn't work out and we decided to separate. I guess that is true, but it isn't the truth. What is a nice guy to do?