Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

inabox · 06-24-2008, 01:49 PM

I have been browsing this forum for a little bit (just registered) trying to see if my problem is in anyway unique. Sadly its not.

I'm a 28 year old male with a wife and kids.
We've been together for longer than 10 years (I don't want to reveal too much).

Anyway it seems like the dominant problem on here is sex or lack thereof. It seems to clearly be a problem more so for the men then for the women. For men sex is important in a relationship for many women it seems not to be.

I've been reading many suggestions by both the men and the women of the board on how to fix the problem. Everything from talking about it to denying sex and see how they like it. I have tried all of these already and none seem to give the long term results that I am seeking.

Usually following one of my attempts at talking about it, it follows with a small uptick in sexual activity and then it falls back to normal. When I do the other extreme of complete avoidance it just prolongs the annoyance!

My wife has made the argument that we are having sex more often then I can remember.

I am pretty analytical, and decided to somehow prove to me wife that its really not as often as she thinks it is.
So for the last 7 months I have been keeping track of how often we have actually had sex.

I've put it with dates, the time of the night and the duration of time we have it and a ranking (1-5). I've even put descriptions and explanations on the gaps, everything from headaches to aunt flo.

At one point following the children it was a lack of "feeling sexy" and her body not looking to same. Lets just say I threw money at this problem with little gain at all in the result.

I found that on average people in my age bracket have sex on average upwards of 100+ times per year. (Reading this board I am sure those analysts would differ

). As it stands now towards the end of June we have had sex a WHOPPING 15 times.

On the same analysis (Link Here) it shows that people in the 30-40 group have sex 80+ times per year and the 40-50 group have it on average 60+ times per year.

At this rate you can see my frustration as it doesn't seem like I'll break the 50's club!

My question is, have any women been confronted from their man with an actual break down of how often or how little they actually have sex? I can't be the only one that has done this.

I am debating on weather or not I should bring this up to her NOW or wait till my set 1 year time period. My objective was to gather a years worth of data and present her with it, but its been bothering me a lot lately. I want SEX damn it! Is that too much to ask for?

My next step is to document it by the day, probably a 60 day period to show the excuses on a daily basis. During this period I'll stop my avoidance attempts and just do the little soft stuff that women so crave all the time throughout the day for an hour of POSSIBLE satisfaction they may or may NOT give their husbands at the end of the night.

Its probably my last step before seeking professional help from a counselor, but figured maybe someone on here has been presented with this and the result.

Any advice is also very welcome.

06-24-2008, 01:49 PM	#1 (permalink)
inabox Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 8	Analyzing the sex problem... I have been browsing this forum for a little bit (just registered) trying to see if my problem is in anyway unique. Sadly its not. I'm a 28 year old male with a wife and kids. We've been together for longer than 10 years (I don't want to reveal too much). Anyway it seems like the dominant problem on here is sex or lack thereof. It seems to clearly be a problem more so for the men then for the women. For men sex is important in a relationship for many women it seems not to be. I've been reading many suggestions by both the men and the women of the board on how to fix the problem. Everything from talking about it to denying sex and see how they like it. I have tried all of these already and none seem to give the long term results that I am seeking. Usually following one of my attempts at talking about it, it follows with a small uptick in sexual activity and then it falls back to normal. When I do the other extreme of complete avoidance it just prolongs the annoyance! My wife has made the argument that we are having sex more often then I can remember. I am pretty analytical, and decided to somehow prove to me wife that its really not as often as she thinks it is. So for the last 7 months I have been keeping track of how often we have actually had sex. I've put it with dates, the time of the night and the duration of time we have it and a ranking (1-5). I've even put descriptions and explanations on the gaps, everything from headaches to aunt flo. At one point following the children it was a lack of "feeling sexy" and her body not looking to same. Lets just say I threw money at this problem with little gain at all in the result. I found that on average people in my age bracket have sex on average upwards of 100+ times per year. (Reading this board I am sure those analysts would differ ). As it stands now towards the end of June we have had sex a WHOPPING 15 times. On the same analysis (Link Here) it shows that people in the 30-40 group have sex 80+ times per year and the 40-50 group have it on average 60+ times per year. At this rate you can see my frustration as it doesn't seem like I'll break the 50's club! My question is, have any women been confronted from their man with an actual break down of how often or how little they actually have sex? I can't be the only one that has done this. I am debating on weather or not I should bring this up to her NOW or wait till my set 1 year time period. My objective was to gather a years worth of data and present her with it, but its been bothering me a lot lately. I want SEX damn it! Is that too much to ask for? My next step is to document it by the day, probably a 60 day period to show the excuses on a daily basis. During this period I'll stop my avoidance attempts and just do the little soft stuff that women so crave all the time throughout the day for an hour of POSSIBLE satisfaction they may or may NOT give their husbands at the end of the night. Its probably my last step before seeking professional help from a counselor, but figured maybe someone on here has been presented with this and the result. Any advice is also very welcome.