Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Problems with hubby over Ex-gfs

ldybth · 11-17-2009, 10:54 AM

Update: Two days of silence and crying/screaming into my pillow. Long periods of me contemplating my sanity...am I really the insecure control-freak my husband claims me to be?

I'm grateful to those of you who verified my sanity

Yesterday I told my husband that we were at the crossroads of "Happily Ever After" and "Goodbye" and he yells back "For the first time in our relationship I don't care which one we take, I honestly don't care"....He storms out of house to work. I come to this forum and post. an hour later, he comes home.

"I thought about everything, and when you take the names off of it, I can see why you would be hurt by reading the message. I know my intentions aren't romantic, and neither are hers, but I can't expect you to know that. I've called GF C and asked her why she was texting me so much. I asked her if her husband would approve of her reaching out to me every time they have a problem..."

He explained to me that she used him as a sounding board, because that's what he does for everyone (which is true) But I then told him that it wasn't his is job to fix his ex girlfriend's problems.

He told me "That exactly what I told her. I told her that she needed to get a counselor for that, and that he wouldn't play that role for her anymore, because she crossed the line by sending an inappropriate text. I asked her to imagine what her husband would think if he intercepted that message. I told her that when her actions start causing problems with my own marriage, it's time to take a step back. I told her to knock it off. She wanted me to apologize for her...she feels terrible that her message hurt your feelings."

I really couldn't have scripted a better apology. He went on to apologize from not seeing things from my point of view. He explained that he's been so busy with work, and kids, and family, and life in general, and he just got impatient and didn't stop to think about how that message might have hurt me, because he knew the intentions from either side weren't romantic....but that was no excuse for hurting my feelings.

11-17-2009, 10:54 AM	#6 (permalink)
ldybth Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 6	Re: Problems with hubby over Ex-gfs Update: Two days of silence and crying/screaming into my pillow. Long periods of me contemplating my sanity...am I really the insecure control-freak my husband claims me to be? I'm grateful to those of you who verified my sanity Yesterday I told my husband that we were at the crossroads of "Happily Ever After" and "Goodbye" and he yells back "For the first time in our relationship I don't care which one we take, I honestly don't care"....He storms out of house to work. I come to this forum and post. an hour later, he comes home. "I thought about everything, and when you take the names off of it, I can see why you would be hurt by reading the message. I know my intentions aren't romantic, and neither are hers, but I can't expect you to know that. I've called GF C and asked her why she was texting me so much. I asked her if her husband would approve of her reaching out to me every time they have a problem..." He explained to me that she used him as a sounding board, because that's what he does for everyone (which is true) But I then told him that it wasn't his is job to fix his ex girlfriend's problems. He told me "That exactly what I told her. I told her that she needed to get a counselor for that, and that he wouldn't play that role for her anymore, because she crossed the line by sending an inappropriate text. I asked her to imagine what her husband would think if he intercepted that message. I told her that when her actions start causing problems with my own marriage, it's time to take a step back. I told her to knock it off. She wanted me to apologize for her...she feels terrible that her message hurt your feelings." I really couldn't have scripted a better apology. He went on to apologize from not seeing things from my point of view. He explained that he's been so busy with work, and kids, and family, and life in general, and he just got impatient and didn't stop to think about how that message might have hurt me, because he knew the intentions from either side weren't romantic....but that was no excuse for hurting my feelings.