Atholk is really good at this. He really grasps the marital dynamic well - which is why he has a happy and sexually blissful marriage.
I take the same approach he does. And oddly enough have at least one overlapping area of weakness which is home improvements. So I make the effort. I know that putting in 2 ceiling fans this weekend is going to produce a very sexualized result. My wife has flat out told me that when I fix things - it makes her hot. She has no idea why and it DOES NOT MATTER.
I have nice clothing and yet not the best color sense. So I always ask her - is this a good combo? And if she says - I like this other shirt better or these other slacks - I just change. That simple. She loves when I cook - she hates to cook. I make the effort - and I make nice multi-course meals on the weekend.
My reward for making all her priorities my priorities is that she puts my shortlist of critical needs at the top of her queue. To feel loved I need sex. This is not a want. It is a need. She accepts that - and makes great sex a high priority.
That is not to say this is always easy. It isn't. I have had to learn how to suppress the tremendous adrenaline rush I get when she occasionally makes the mistake of speaking to me like her servant. And that only happens because she is pretty alpha, I am usually very accommodating and she sometimes pushes the edge of the envelope and needs to be spanked.
So when she asks: When you have a moment, can you look at the printer, it seems broken? She gets service with a smile.
However when she says with a really angry voice at 11:30 PM on Saturday night: "The printer in the office is broken." She gets hammered. Because in female speak that comment means - hey tech support ***** - go fix that problem.
And then nothing gets fixed until I hear the magic phrases: "I am sorry for speaking to you that way. I would not wish to be spoken to that way and will try hard not to do that in the future AND Could you please help me when you have time?"
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Originally Posted by Atholk
It's an all purpose shotgun approach I'm posting. If you're good on some areas, you're good on those areas. If you're weak on some areas, work on those. If you're a high earner / important job guy for example, working more isn't going to net you much further benefit - but maybe fixing a few thing around the house and playing with the kids is going to net a big gain. If you're a househusband up to your ass in kids and stuff, maybe the physical fitness and dress sense is going to be the place to gain in. If you're a little heavy and the house is falling apart (raises hand), then working out and doing crap with tools is the way to go. (I'm getting better!) If you're a low wage guy, extra shifts and working on education is going to make her excited about you.
It's impossible for any one man to be the "perfect" man. It's best to play to our natural strenghts in our jobs and careers, but our relationships with our spouses demands a bit more of a generalized approach.
One of my weak areas is home maintaince for example. I'm just not terribly interested in it. But now I actually put a little effort into fixing dripping taps etc and it drives her batty with pleasure. (I put a cat door in and she... well lets just say I wondering where else I can put a cat door in!) Now I'm not going to fake being an actual plumber, anymore than I'm going to try and become a pro athlete. I'll do basic home maintainence just like I'll be basically fit. You push it to extremes and you become one dimensional I think.
Throw her a curve ball or too. Mostly the big thing to avoid with wives is boring them with the expectation of how you are and how things will be.
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