Monkey, your husband must end all contact with the other woman. I foolishly tried to hang onto my wife while she was in contact with the other man...it was a mistake. The only way we moved forward was for her to utterly and finally drop him - end ALL CONTACT. You must make this a condition of remaining married.
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He wanted me to move forward and not look to the past, not to go back to his affair.
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Stupidme....I've learned during my wife's affair that it not possible for us to 'forget'. Pretending it didn't happen fails. We are currently accepting that it happened and not avoiding discussions around it. He needs to understand that.