Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

effess · 11-20-2009, 04:37 PM

I've been married with children for over 9 years to a wonderful woman, but I have crossed the line.

Over the past year and a half, I've become too close to a woman at my work, and developed feelings for her. I wouldn't call it love, but romantic. Also, we spent alot of our time talking at work not face to face, but by IM. Some of the conversations were most definitely inapproriate, of a sexual nature, nothing like cyber sex, but getting into details that I shouldn't be discussing with another woman. I don't believe this other woman felt anything romantic for me, and nothing physical occured between us, I never even attempted to hit on her. But the guilt would get to me from time to time and I think it manifested itself in my occasional (but more frequent) moodiness at home and demands of my wife.

Some of this finally came out in the open with my spouse in the past week, and she has taken it suprisingly well, but she only knows the part about my feelings for the other woman, the length of time and that sexual conversations came up, but not all the dirty details. The guilt is a heavy burden, and I want my wife and I to have the deep, satisfying, open, and loving relationship we shared before the children, and not me keeping these hurtful secrets. But what is my motivation for telling her, to relieve myself of the guilt, or for her to know the entire truth to truly forgive me?

I've been advised by a friend (which I am in short supply of) who has been in a similar situation to not tell my wife everything, that if nothing physical happened, than she doesn't need to know all the dirt and details, it will only hurt her and it will take years, if ever, to repair that kind of damage. But I don't know what to do, I'm not happy like this, and want to bask in my wife's love and forgiveness, guilt-free. I think she knows I'm holding something back. I don't want to lie further, but I'm afraid the questions wanting to know more details will come - and I don't know how to handle them or want to face them.

So you know, I've taken steps to limit the contact with my co-worker to work-related subjects and have even un-installed the IM from my PC.

help me please.............

11-20-2009, 04:37 PM	#1 (permalink)
effess Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 6	struggling on how to make things right I've been married with children for over 9 years to a wonderful woman, but I have crossed the line. Over the past year and a half, I've become too close to a woman at my work, and developed feelings for her. I wouldn't call it love, but romantic. Also, we spent alot of our time talking at work not face to face, but by IM. Some of the conversations were most definitely inapproriate, of a sexual nature, nothing like cyber sex, but getting into details that I shouldn't be discussing with another woman. I don't believe this other woman felt anything romantic for me, and nothing physical occured between us, I never even attempted to hit on her. But the guilt would get to me from time to time and I think it manifested itself in my occasional (but more frequent) moodiness at home and demands of my wife. Some of this finally came out in the open with my spouse in the past week, and she has taken it suprisingly well, but she only knows the part about my feelings for the other woman, the length of time and that sexual conversations came up, but not all the dirty details. The guilt is a heavy burden, and I want my wife and I to have the deep, satisfying, open, and loving relationship we shared before the children, and not me keeping these hurtful secrets. But what is my motivation for telling her, to relieve myself of the guilt, or for her to know the entire truth to truly forgive me? I've been advised by a friend (which I am in short supply of) who has been in a similar situation to not tell my wife everything, that if nothing physical happened, than she doesn't need to know all the dirt and details, it will only hurt her and it will take years, if ever, to repair that kind of damage. But I don't know what to do, I'm not happy like this, and want to bask in my wife's love and forgiveness, guilt-free. I think she knows I'm holding something back. I don't want to lie further, but I'm afraid the questions wanting to know more details will come - and I don't know how to handle them or want to face them. So you know, I've taken steps to limit the contact with my co-worker to work-related subjects and have even un-installed the IM from my PC. help me please.............