Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Ten years of marriage and now she is leaving.

Jer · 11-21-2009, 07:55 PM

I feel like if I do not speak to someone about this I am going to lose my mind. Perhaps everyone who has to deal with the prospect of losing the one they love feels the same way, but I have absolutely no support group. I need someone to talk to.

My wife and I have been together for 13 years now, married for 10. We have three wonderful children and have spent the last three years struggling with infidelity and communication problems. I am a stay at home father I provide the care for our children while she works. It has always been the best way for us to manage our life and I am grateful for the time I have with the kids.

We have both made mistakes and I for one truly regret the pain I have caused her. We moved away from our home of 8 years to start over and rekindle our marriage. I have made the changes she wanted me to make, I have been attentive, interested, I engage her in conversation and compliment her often. I thought things were starting to come back together for us and that we could finally have a solid relationship again.

Then disaster, she asked me to take a few steps back in my affection and feels like I am smothering her. She mentioned that it was making her feel uncomfortable. I was hurt but I want her to be happy so I agreed not really understanding what I had done wrong. For the next few weeks she grew increasingly distant, working longer hours and spending less and less time with our children and myself. I now get a few hours one day a week with her. She takes phone calls in private when she is at home, hiding in our room or outside. I trust her so I try not to pry and to allow her the privacy she needs. Last week when I confronted her about the long hours and the general feeling of absence she told me she had fallen out of love with me. She says she needs a time of separation to discover how she feels about our marriage and whether or not she does in fact love me anymore.

I have tried to be understanding and supportive of her decision but I am dying inside. Staying at home has closed me off from any kind of support group I may have had and I have nothing to throw myself into while I come to terms with this. I need to stay composed and strong for my children but they have noticed a change and my son told me tonight that I seem very sad and lonely. It broke my heart to hear him say it, even more to know that I apparently was not hiding my pain and turmoil nearly as well as I thought I was. Any advice on how to come to terms with this would be very welcome. I have never been a prefect husband but I have always loved her and never went a day without telling her that. I just feel so lost...She is the love of my life and my best friend and now I am looking at a future without her...

11-21-2009, 07:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
Jer Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1	Ten years of marriage and now she is leaving. I feel like if I do not speak to someone about this I am going to lose my mind. Perhaps everyone who has to deal with the prospect of losing the one they love feels the same way, but I have absolutely no support group. I need someone to talk to. My wife and I have been together for 13 years now, married for 10. We have three wonderful children and have spent the last three years struggling with infidelity and communication problems. I am a stay at home father I provide the care for our children while she works. It has always been the best way for us to manage our life and I am grateful for the time I have with the kids. We have both made mistakes and I for one truly regret the pain I have caused her. We moved away from our home of 8 years to start over and rekindle our marriage. I have made the changes she wanted me to make, I have been attentive, interested, I engage her in conversation and compliment her often. I thought things were starting to come back together for us and that we could finally have a solid relationship again. Then disaster, she asked me to take a few steps back in my affection and feels like I am smothering her. She mentioned that it was making her feel uncomfortable. I was hurt but I want her to be happy so I agreed not really understanding what I had done wrong. For the next few weeks she grew increasingly distant, working longer hours and spending less and less time with our children and myself. I now get a few hours one day a week with her. She takes phone calls in private when she is at home, hiding in our room or outside. I trust her so I try not to pry and to allow her the privacy she needs. Last week when I confronted her about the long hours and the general feeling of absence she told me she had fallen out of love with me. She says she needs a time of separation to discover how she feels about our marriage and whether or not she does in fact love me anymore. I have tried to be understanding and supportive of her decision but I am dying inside. Staying at home has closed me off from any kind of support group I may have had and I have nothing to throw myself into while I come to terms with this. I need to stay composed and strong for my children but they have noticed a change and my son told me tonight that I seem very sad and lonely. It broke my heart to hear him say it, even more to know that I apparently was not hiding my pain and turmoil nearly as well as I thought I was. Any advice on how to come to terms with this would be very welcome. I have never been a prefect husband but I have always loved her and never went a day without telling her that. I just feel so lost...She is the love of my life and my best friend and now I am looking at a future without her... Last edited by Jer; 11-21-2009 at 08:01 PM.