Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

charliebond · 11-22-2009, 05:24 AM

i'm going to make an attempt to keep this story short... we've been together 3 years and married 6 months.
i've been fighting this nagging feeling that my wife is not being honest with me about her sexuality and i guess in the long run her fidelity.

i started noticing some trends with her choice of women friends and her behavior around these friends... a few months into dating her. she would speak to them differently, almost in a tough but provocative manner... to be honest the way i see lesbians interact (socially) with each other (a certain chemistry if you will).

main reason being that my "radar" was going off was that when I was in my early twenties i dated a woman who was bisexual and she exhibited these same similar behavior. ... and so, i questioned her (wife but then girlfriend)about what i was observing. she replied in anger and denied my accusations. and so i presumed my "radar" was broken.

well we fell in love, and several years later we were married. strangely enough i have began to feel this nagging feeling again. it started when she developed a friendship with our neighbor (of whom is a real party girl, and i'm almost certain she is pretty adventurous sexually; on both sides of the stream). i came home from work one evening... to find the two of them sitting almost on top of each other, arms intertwined, and holding the laptop; surfing the web. again i made mention of what i observed and very angrily she denied... i left the situation feeling very confused.

now please keep in mind that i have caught her on numerous times lying to me; through out our relationship (to the point that i believe she has a problem with lying). it has brought me to a place of mistrust... i wonder if she is being faithful and if she is a bisexual (or a lesbian pretending to be someone else)? she made mention a few years ago that she would sometimes have sexual dreams of being with other women.

my question is being that i am having such a difficult time with these feelings; how do i cope, what are your thoughts? how can i find out what the truth is? it's driving me crazy and not helping my depression and i am a recovering alcoholic. i've been sober for over 2 years and i have been so tempted to go back.

i feel so alone because i am scared to really talk to close friends or family about it; maybe i'm fearing what they may say? it's caused some isolation on my part with my friends; that's absolutely true.

i really want this marriage to work; i believe in serving the vows i made and in keeping my word... at the same time i do not want to invest my time in something that will eventually fail; and possibly if and when we have children... how it would affect them.

i deeply and sincerely appreciate your thoughts, and taking the time to read this. thank you.

11-22-2009, 05:24 AM	#1 (permalink)
charliebond Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 3	is she being honest with me? i'm going to make an attempt to keep this story short... we've been together 3 years and married 6 months. i've been fighting this nagging feeling that my wife is not being honest with me about her sexuality and i guess in the long run her fidelity. i started noticing some trends with her choice of women friends and her behavior around these friends... a few months into dating her. she would speak to them differently, almost in a tough but provocative manner... to be honest the way i see lesbians interact (socially) with each other (a certain chemistry if you will). main reason being that my "radar" was going off was that when I was in my early twenties i dated a woman who was bisexual and she exhibited these same similar behavior. ... and so, i questioned her (wife but then girlfriend)about what i was observing. she replied in anger and denied my accusations. and so i presumed my "radar" was broken. well we fell in love, and several years later we were married. strangely enough i have began to feel this nagging feeling again. it started when she developed a friendship with our neighbor (of whom is a real party girl, and i'm almost certain she is pretty adventurous sexually; on both sides of the stream). i came home from work one evening... to find the two of them sitting almost on top of each other, arms intertwined, and holding the laptop; surfing the web. again i made mention of what i observed and very angrily she denied... i left the situation feeling very confused. now please keep in mind that i have caught her on numerous times lying to me; through out our relationship (to the point that i believe she has a problem with lying). it has brought me to a place of mistrust... i wonder if she is being faithful and if she is a bisexual (or a lesbian pretending to be someone else)? she made mention a few years ago that she would sometimes have sexual dreams of being with other women. my question is being that i am having such a difficult time with these feelings; how do i cope, what are your thoughts? how can i find out what the truth is? it's driving me crazy and not helping my depression and i am a recovering alcoholic. i've been sober for over 2 years and i have been so tempted to go back. i feel so alone because i am scared to really talk to close friends or family about it; maybe i'm fearing what they may say? it's caused some isolation on my part with my friends; that's absolutely true. i really want this marriage to work; i believe in serving the vows i made and in keeping my word... at the same time i do not want to invest my time in something that will eventually fail; and possibly if and when we have children... how it would affect them. i deeply and sincerely appreciate your thoughts, and taking the time to read this. thank you.