Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

RacehorseChick · 11-22-2009, 10:38 PM

hi. im new here. i was seeking a forum because im torn. ill try to make this short, but i dont want to leave out things. oh and im not married, but want to be- i think- i dont know anymore.... anyway:

my boyfriend and i met when i was 15 and started dating right away. we started living together after i graduated high school. (hes 5yrs older than me). when i was 20, things got really rough between us. i told him we needed to separate for a little bit, so i could sort things out and decide what i really wanted in life. we split but still saw each other and talked about things for 2 weeks. then he moved back in (this was in October this all happened). my father had passed away the day after easter that year and i was so depressed, confused, angry, etc. christmas was coming up soon and i was scared, i didnt want to do it. well lo-and-behold xmas eve i find text messages on his phone. "ill show you my junk later in the shower" "SPANK!"- things like this. those are the 2 texts that really stick out in my mind still today. i sobbed, he told me they were just joking and threw his phone into the woods before i could read the rest of them. this tore me up for a YEAR before he confessed that he slept with her. now this is the thing:

i can deal with the fact that he slept with someone else because it happened when we were split for the 2 weeks, and i did sleep with someone else too. thats not my problem. THIS is my problem:

its who it was, and the fact that AFTER we were back together he was STILL texting her dirty texts.

shes a nasty slob. has kids with 3 different guys, never been married, etc. just a skank. hes worked with her for years. and constantly talked about her- but not nicely. how much he hated her and stuff. my thoughts is, you dont hate someone and then sleep with them. he also had her number saved in his phone before we ever split. i asked him to get rid of it, and he did- but then he saved it again as just her number, he didnt put her name... like im too dumb to know!

he says it happened because he was mad at me. apparently he had bought me an engagement ring right before we split. BUT I DIDNT KNOW THAT!!!! not until months after we got back together! he says he went over and it "just happened". yeah ok... sex doesnt "just happen" with someone you hate!

anyway, i decided to try to stay together and get over it. but i dont know if i can. i just feel like theres a lot more hes not telling me. and i feel like i deserve to know. sometimes we are fine, and its like it never happened. but then all the sudden it just pops in my head and i get sick. i get sick, disgusted, angry, depressed. you name it, i get it. i just dont know how to work through this! help! its been 7yrs.... i just hate to throw it away without trying.

11-22-2009, 10:38 PM	#1 (permalink)
RacehorseChick Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 6	I cant get over it.... or can i? hi. im new here. i was seeking a forum because im torn. ill try to make this short, but i dont want to leave out things. oh and im not married, but want to be- i think- i dont know anymore.... anyway: my boyfriend and i met when i was 15 and started dating right away. we started living together after i graduated high school. (hes 5yrs older than me). when i was 20, things got really rough between us. i told him we needed to separate for a little bit, so i could sort things out and decide what i really wanted in life. we split but still saw each other and talked about things for 2 weeks. then he moved back in (this was in October this all happened). my father had passed away the day after easter that year and i was so depressed, confused, angry, etc. christmas was coming up soon and i was scared, i didnt want to do it. well lo-and-behold xmas eve i find text messages on his phone. "ill show you my junk later in the shower" "SPANK!"- things like this. those are the 2 texts that really stick out in my mind still today. i sobbed, he told me they were just joking and threw his phone into the woods before i could read the rest of them. this tore me up for a YEAR before he confessed that he slept with her. now this is the thing: i can deal with the fact that he slept with someone else because it happened when we were split for the 2 weeks, and i did sleep with someone else too. thats not my problem. THIS is my problem: its who it was, and the fact that AFTER we were back together he was STILL texting her dirty texts. shes a nasty slob. has kids with 3 different guys, never been married, etc. just a skank. hes worked with her for years. and constantly talked about her- but not nicely. how much he hated her and stuff. my thoughts is, you dont hate someone and then sleep with them. he also had her number saved in his phone before we ever split. i asked him to get rid of it, and he did- but then he saved it again as just her number, he didnt put her name... like im too dumb to know! he says it happened because he was mad at me. apparently he had bought me an engagement ring right before we split. BUT I DIDNT KNOW THAT!!!! not until months after we got back together! he says he went over and it "just happened". yeah ok... sex doesnt "just happen" with someone you hate! anyway, i decided to try to stay together and get over it. but i dont know if i can. i just feel like theres a lot more hes not telling me. and i feel like i deserve to know. sometimes we are fine, and its like it never happened. but then all the sudden it just pops in my head and i get sick. i get sick, disgusted, angry, depressed. you name it, i get it. i just dont know how to work through this! help! its been 7yrs.... i just hate to throw it away without trying.