Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

beni · 11-23-2009, 08:43 AM

i want to tell my story in this forum because i feel unsafe to tell it to even my best friends, but i really need to tell it to someone since it was too heavy to hold it for myself. i just got married 2 years ago and it was perfectly happy. but about 3 months ago, i met a guy, Ben, in a tennis training camp and i have felt something for him, it just happened so fast that i really dont know how it started and how could i let this feeling grow...we train tennis in a same club so we meet sometimes per week in training, but i still hide my feeling so we just talked as friends and i have no idea how he felt about me. and 1 day after a tournament, he offered to drive me home and i cant stop myseft to kiss him, and find out that he also like me although he know about my marriage. everything with him was just so exciting and passionate, which i have lost in my marriage. i still remember it was exactly the same when i first met my husband, Fred, but somehow the longterm relationship blew these feelings away...now i still love Fred very much, but i cant stop myself to want so badly the excitements with Ben. i really hate myself for being so weak and feel so guilty with Fred, my sweet sweet husband should never deserved to be cheated like this. i love Fred, i care for him and i know he loves me more than anything else in his life... it just those dangerous fantastic feelings with Ben trying to pull me away from my marriage life. i fight so hard against my guilty desire, but in some weak moments i just suddenly dial Ben's number. it just so easy to meet him and Ben also try to protect our secret, that make me feel no risk and keep doing that again and again. But Ben doesn't love me, he just likes me very much, he try to control to not fall in love with me since i'm married, and somehow he can manage to be very cold...it hurts, i want to break into his heart but it just impossible, i'm addicted to being with him, but also hate him at the same time for breaking my heart, i dont know if he give a damn **** about me or just simply like to be with me... last week Fred had to go away 1 week for a bussiness trip so that was a chance for me to be weaker, but i also realized that only Fred can save me out of this trouble, he just need to be at home and i will be ok when he's always around and save me from some weak moments. since 1 week i didnt call Ben and tried to ignore him at the trainings, i try to hate him, try to save my soul, try to not break Fred's heart, try to heat up my marriage again... i think and i miss Ben a lots, but Fred's love calmed me down and i'm in peace just to be next to him. of course Fred still doesnt know anything, his whole world might be broken if he know it. i'm not sure if i can keep like this for how long until when i wan to see Ben again, but i'm trying my best now to fight against the other dangerous me. i wonder how many people out there are carrying a big secret like me. sometimes i'm not sure if i'm ready for a marriage life, now i'm not sure of anything....

11-23-2009, 08:43 AM	#1 (permalink)
beni Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 6	anyone here have an affair like me? i want to tell my story in this forum because i feel unsafe to tell it to even my best friends, but i really need to tell it to someone since it was too heavy to hold it for myself. i just got married 2 years ago and it was perfectly happy. but about 3 months ago, i met a guy, Ben, in a tennis training camp and i have felt something for him, it just happened so fast that i really dont know how it started and how could i let this feeling grow...we train tennis in a same club so we meet sometimes per week in training, but i still hide my feeling so we just talked as friends and i have no idea how he felt about me. and 1 day after a tournament, he offered to drive me home and i cant stop myseft to kiss him, and find out that he also like me although he know about my marriage. everything with him was just so exciting and passionate, which i have lost in my marriage. i still remember it was exactly the same when i first met my husband, Fred, but somehow the longterm relationship blew these feelings away...now i still love Fred very much, but i cant stop myself to want so badly the excitements with Ben. i really hate myself for being so weak and feel so guilty with Fred, my sweet sweet husband should never deserved to be cheated like this. i love Fred, i care for him and i know he loves me more than anything else in his life... it just those dangerous fantastic feelings with Ben trying to pull me away from my marriage life. i fight so hard against my guilty desire, but in some weak moments i just suddenly dial Ben's number. it just so easy to meet him and Ben also try to protect our secret, that make me feel no risk and keep doing that again and again. But Ben doesn't love me, he just likes me very much, he try to control to not fall in love with me since i'm married, and somehow he can manage to be very cold...it hurts, i want to break into his heart but it just impossible, i'm addicted to being with him, but also hate him at the same time for breaking my heart, i dont know if he give a damn **** about me or just simply like to be with me... last week Fred had to go away 1 week for a bussiness trip so that was a chance for me to be weaker, but i also realized that only Fred can save me out of this trouble, he just need to be at home and i will be ok when he's always around and save me from some weak moments. since 1 week i didnt call Ben and tried to ignore him at the trainings, i try to hate him, try to save my soul, try to not break Fred's heart, try to heat up my marriage again... i think and i miss Ben a lots, but Fred's love calmed me down and i'm in peace just to be next to him. of course Fred still doesnt know anything, his whole world might be broken if he know it. i'm not sure if i can keep like this for how long until when i wan to see Ben again, but i'm trying my best now to fight against the other dangerous me. i wonder how many people out there are carrying a big secret like me. sometimes i'm not sure if i'm ready for a marriage life, now i'm not sure of anything....