Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Why is it he almost always stays with the wife as oppose to the OW?

stupidme · 11-23-2009, 01:55 PM

I read from another forum regarding the OW. They always say they and the Hs always have passion, love, affection, sex, deep emotions to the heart conversations, one heart, soulmates and yet, the Hs almost always go back to the wives, beg for forgiveness & break off with the OW. Does anyone know how the brain of a man works?

From my H's confession, he said he would have both of us if he could. He knew from day one that this happiness would not last and I believe he dragged it on till he could not hide it any longer, then he broke off with her. Many a times, I pushed him towards her, told him if he confided to her everything about his life, us, our financial situations, that he believes they knew it other inside out, then he & she must be soulmates, I told him I believe he would be much happier with her, then we should divorce and he should be with her. & Yet, he begged for forgiveness over & over again, wanting a second chance, saying he loves me, but he also loves the OW. The kids are not taken into this equation because for the H's point of view, most of their friends' parents are divorced and they are grown, they would not be much effected by our divorce had we choosen this path, this is about us.

I'm curious, why is he choosing the stressful path of the relationship by staying with me and trying to work out our marriage instead of having the easy way out, going with the OW, where their relationship is almost perfect? And I'm sure lots of OW have asked this question as well, why is he not with me when I gave him everything and we got everything that a perfect relationship should have and yet, he went back to this unhappy relationship with his wife?

FYI, he said I should be happy since I'm the winner. Honestly, I'm not happy because I don't see myself as the winner, I see myself as the loser. I lost because he had an affair with her, still loves her & will always have her on his mind. As a result, I refuse to wear my wedding band till the day he is completely over her, which could be forever. And yes, we are working on our marriage but like everyone said, we can forgive but not forget.

11-23-2009, 01:55 PM	#1 (permalink)
stupidme Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 29	Why is it he almost always stays with the wife as oppose to the OW? I read from another forum regarding the OW. They always say they and the Hs always have passion, love, affection, sex, deep emotions to the heart conversations, one heart, soulmates and yet, the Hs almost always go back to the wives, beg for forgiveness & break off with the OW. Does anyone know how the brain of a man works? From my H's confession, he said he would have both of us if he could. He knew from day one that this happiness would not last and I believe he dragged it on till he could not hide it any longer, then he broke off with her. Many a times, I pushed him towards her, told him if he confided to her everything about his life, us, our financial situations, that he believes they knew it other inside out, then he & she must be soulmates, I told him I believe he would be much happier with her, then we should divorce and he should be with her. & Yet, he begged for forgiveness over & over again, wanting a second chance, saying he loves me, but he also loves the OW. The kids are not taken into this equation because for the H's point of view, most of their friends' parents are divorced and they are grown, they would not be much effected by our divorce had we choosen this path, this is about us. I'm curious, why is he choosing the stressful path of the relationship by staying with me and trying to work out our marriage instead of having the easy way out, going with the OW, where their relationship is almost perfect? And I'm sure lots of OW have asked this question as well, why is he not with me when I gave him everything and we got everything that a perfect relationship should have and yet, he went back to this unhappy relationship with his wife? FYI, he said I should be happy since I'm the winner. Honestly, I'm not happy because I don't see myself as the winner, I see myself as the loser. I lost because he had an affair with her, still loves her & will always have her on his mind. As a result, I refuse to wear my wedding band till the day he is completely over her, which could be forever. And yes, we are working on our marriage but like everyone said, we can forgive but not forget.