Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

Gomez · 11-23-2009, 05:51 PM

After an affair I think we search for reasons to try to make sense of something that doesn't fit into what true love should be. Maybe its just me but I never thought the story of true love involved neglect or affairs.

When I must confront the fact that the person I married was intimate with someone else it really gutted alot of what I thought our marriage was about. I really needed to come up with a reason to continue the relationship instead of chalking it up to a painful lesson and moving on in the hopes of finding someone who had also learned this lesson independantly.

Our children, being able to provide a stable home with parents who treat each other well is a huge part of the awnser to that. There is also the fact that I became aware of how I was pushing her away, and I was able to correct my actions and attitude so it wouldn't happen again. I feel there is less a chance of being cheated on again with my wife than there would be if I met someone new.

I will agree that the aftermath of an affair is an eye-opener, but not to the fact that I "truely love" my spouce. It opened my eyes to the fact I have no idea what true love is. In all the stories of marriage I hear its really not about love, its about circumstance, infatuation, calculation, and people just making the best of the situation they find themselves in. If you can see love in that you have more faith than I have been left with, but I think that two people can come to a greater understanding of each other after they are completely honest about the wrongs they have done each other, totally independant of any children situation.

I just think that minus the children the idea of "true love" would lead us to just agree to be friends with the person who wronged us and look for someone with whom we could try again to create a relationship with out the hurt and doubt that infidelity brings. Thats my take on it anyways.

11-23-2009, 05:51 PM	#2 (permalink)
Gomez Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Michigan, USA Posts: 147	Re: Childless marriages worth saving,too? After an affair I think we search for reasons to try to make sense of something that doesn't fit into what true love should be. Maybe its just me but I never thought the story of true love involved neglect or affairs. When I must confront the fact that the person I married was intimate with someone else it really gutted alot of what I thought our marriage was about. I really needed to come up with a reason to continue the relationship instead of chalking it up to a painful lesson and moving on in the hopes of finding someone who had also learned this lesson independantly. Our children, being able to provide a stable home with parents who treat each other well is a huge part of the awnser to that. There is also the fact that I became aware of how I was pushing her away, and I was able to correct my actions and attitude so it wouldn't happen again. I feel there is less a chance of being cheated on again with my wife than there would be if I met someone new. I will agree that the aftermath of an affair is an eye-opener, but not to the fact that I "truely love" my spouce. It opened my eyes to the fact I have no idea what true love is. In all the stories of marriage I hear its really not about love, its about circumstance, infatuation, calculation, and people just making the best of the situation they find themselves in. If you can see love in that you have more faith than I have been left with, but I think that two people can come to a greater understanding of each other after they are completely honest about the wrongs they have done each other, totally independant of any children situation. I just think that minus the children the idea of "true love" would lead us to just agree to be friends with the person who wronged us and look for someone with whom we could try again to create a relationship with out the hurt and doubt that infidelity brings. Thats my take on it anyways.