I really will try to make this short. Dh and I have been married just over 20 yrs. We married young....
19 and 21. He has always been the "extorvert", I'm an "introvert" in some ways. I can be very open and friendly, depending on my self esteem at the time.
Dh says he's a Christian, knows the bible like his own hand, loves our 3 kids, super great father and husband. About 3 yrs. ago I was always so tired from working and kids activities, we agreed I'd stay home and me a SAHM.
Long story short....he has lots and lots of friendships, both male and female. Every once in a while he'll keep one or two a secret because of my "jealousy issues." I feel I get jealous or insecure when I discover the secret.
He talks on the phone, I'm sure he's texting even though I have no proof, and at one time, emailed a person about once a week.
This last one, started in June. He would email her at times but never in front of me. He would call her about every 2-3 days, calls would last about 15 mins. He commutes an hour each way everyday, so plenty of phone time. She works w/in his office so he sees her from time to time. When I found out, all hell broke lose and I threatened to call the marriage quits. Only because this is not the first time. So...he quit communicating w/ her.
One night I couldn't sleep so I opened up his email. Nothing unusual until I checked the "trash" bin. He had mis typed her email address so it bounced back and he trashed it. He had typed:
"I just wanted to say, I miss talking to you and texting you. I hope you don't hate me in anyway."
That was it. I couldn't confront him because than he'd know I have his password.
One day when we were arguing I brought it in general...or "matter of factly", he denied it.
He says, he fears the Lord, fears going to hell, would never cheat on me, loves me more than life, but has friends and I have issues with jealousy. He says they are nothing more than friends.
Our sex life and other marriage aspects are fine, it's just his "secret" phone calls and texting that drive me crazy.
This past week I discovered he called her and they talked for 11 mins. He will only call her at work from his cellphone, I'm guessing so he can tell me it was "work related."
I know in my heart there has been no physical cheating, but the "secrets" make me feel betrayed. His dishonesty hurts. And no...there's no talking to him, or resolving this. It's always the same argument, so I give up confronting him. And counseling for us....out of the question. He says only prayer, fasting, and God can help us.
I'm at the point of bitterness and resentment. My youngest has 2 yrs. left in high school, after that, I see no point in continuing my marriage.
I have told him I want to be married to a friend, someone I know loves me like no other, and I want to feel the same way, I want to feel close to my partner, unconditional love...etc.
There has to be someone out there like this right? Is "mr. right" out there somewhere for me?
Thanks for any advice~~~