Yes, I see both points of view. He keeps it a secret because I get jealous, I get jealous because of the secrets. It's a vicious cycle we have tried talking about...for almost 10 years now.
The last time this happened it was w/ a coworker about 15 yrs. older than us. Started it just fine, typical work related phone calls, than I would see the bill and they would talk for almost the entire 1 hour of commute, she commuted to another town. They'd talk ALOT, I mean hours and hours a month. He said it was about work, her problems, marital advice, christian advice, etc. I even contacted her and had "words" with her. She kept apologizing and saying he was just a good friend.
When I had just had enough, I contacted a lawyer, showed dh the business card, and told him we were through.
So dh stopped all contact......that was 5 yrs. ago.
This is why I have issues. So when he hides stuff like this...I feel betrayed.
His other emails to her, which one he accidentally forwarded to me was so twisted it was stupid. He turned a whole situation around about our neighbors house being broken into, he basically made himself look like a hero when in fact all he did was give the neighbor a ride to her home. I called the police, I gave directions, descriptions, etc. But not once in the email did he mention me....it was like he did all this and more. When I confronted him, he was embarrassed and he said it was just "small talk", not important.
At my age, I just want to be able to feel in love, to have trust, and to be comfortable w/ my mate. At this point, I don't.
I have told him, time and time again, if you're not doing anything wrong, than talk to her in front of me like you do all your other female coworkers. But not once has he ever done this.