You have completely missed the point. These folks want to feel loved by their spouse. That is what they want. The act of making themselves more attractive is a means to that end.
And depression has a wide spectrum of severity. Some folks when they lose desire for their spouse use depression as the reason. But it isn't true clinical depression. It is just sadness from being with someone you just aren't that into anymore.
As for getting someone help. If your spouse really does seem or claim to be depressed I totally agree they should see a professional. If they refuse, and this seems to be part of a long term problem then the healthy spouse has a decision to make.
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Originally Posted by peacefully
I can only speak from my personal experience, therefore I can't recommend anything, as I'm not a professional.
I can however suggest that in both cases you consult with a professional. Either a Doctor or a Licensed Therapist.
Depression can be very serious and it can require serious help, regardless of the cause or circumstances.
I understand from what I see on these forums that some spouses would like to believe that through their actions they can change their wives mental and emotional state. Or that they can coerce them to change through motivating factors, however that concerns me.
Sometimes we have to put our ego's aside and realize that we might not be the ones that are able to save someone, and that there are, at times genuine need for outside professional help. This help should be for the depressed spouse and/or the non depressed spouse separately, to help them as individuals, before the work on the marriage can be done.
My question in this was why do some spouses want to make themselves more "attractive" to a depressed spouse?
Is that more about getting their needs met? That is an understandable, but selfish priority. It could be the last thing the depressed spouse can deal with.
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