peacefully

Sometimes I think that men want to stay because they don't want to look like failures in the marriage. They also have a lot invested in the marriage, and less invested in the OW.

When I found out about my husbands infidelity he told me that he had sex with her "in moments of weakness". That excuse did not make it better for me, it made it worse, it made me feel sick. What kind of a man would do that? What kind of a man would use a person like that?
Not that I have sympathy for the other women, but they are being USED too by our cheating spouses. That is a disgusting thing to do to another person. It is immoral and cruel and selfish (and who knows what he said to her to get her into bed.. I try not to think about it). It was also disgusting that he lied to me about it. Of course the affair devastated me, but it also involved another person, other people. His actions caused unbelievable amounts of hurt to many people.

I struggle with why on earth would I consider taking him back. He has shown himself to not be a fundamentally good, kind or honest person and he has openly admitted to USING another woman to make him feel better about himself. Because of this, I do not trust or respect him anymore.
However, it doesn't mean I don't love him, which is something that is causing me a great deal of pain and confusion. It also makes me question my ideas of self worth, why would I love such a person?

My husband has tried to (however weakly) reconcile the marriage and I asked him the same thing, why doesn't he go be with her, is she makes him feel so masculine or attractive?
I have yet to receive an answer that makes sense. So, for me, I have to think that the reasons are not wanting to lose, in the eyes of our community, financially, etcetera. I do not believe him and I think that if we were to reconcile, his behavior would surely revert back within a few years.