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Corpuswife · 11-28-2009, 10:49 AM

This is difficult advice Lost. I've lived this routine with my H but I'm a little further ahead of you in this "game."

If I had to go back and do things over again...this is what I'd do.

Find an attorney. Get recommendation from family and friends. If you know a real estate attorney or any other type of attorney call them. Ask for recommendations. They know who is good and will return calls and be professional. You don't have to let you H know at this point that you have been investigating. I interviewed 3 attorneys before I found my match. The last was highly recommended by other attorneys.

Then, I would sit my H down without my kids present. I would say in various words/ways.."I love you. I want this marriage. You don't. I deserve better. I feel that you need help. If this is a marriage that you can't be in....then I won't stop you from divorcing."

Finally, I would set my boundaries. What you want to feel comfortable. You can set up a visitation schedule together. He must call before he drops by. You only speak about the kids/mutual business. Discuss about financial obligations. No big purchases on either side.

Write your boundaries on paper before you discuss them.

No dinners/no overnighters etc. He gets to be a single dad. I know you are afraid of this hurting the kids. They won't like it one bit. They don't like it now. This is a reality of divorce. He needs to FEEL what a divorce is like.

It's my hope that he wakes up with the REALITY of divorce.

You've catered to him Lost. You've kept your mouth shut. You have waited patiently. You haven't gotten you needs met.

He needs to FEEL it.

I did many of these things but much later on. Do this now and get it settled earlier.

11-28-2009, 10:49 AM	#2 (permalink)
Corpuswife Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Posts: 2,311	Re: threatening divorce? what next? This is difficult advice Lost. I've lived this routine with my H but I'm a little further ahead of you in this "game." If I had to go back and do things over again...this is what I'd do. Find an attorney. Get recommendation from family and friends. If you know a real estate attorney or any other type of attorney call them. Ask for recommendations. They know who is good and will return calls and be professional. You don't have to let you H know at this point that you have been investigating. I interviewed 3 attorneys before I found my match. The last was highly recommended by other attorneys. Then, I would sit my H down without my kids present. I would say in various words/ways.."I love you. I want this marriage. You don't. I deserve better. I feel that you need help. If this is a marriage that you can't be in....then I won't stop you from divorcing." Finally, I would set my boundaries. What you want to feel comfortable. You can set up a visitation schedule together. He must call before he drops by. You only speak about the kids/mutual business. Discuss about financial obligations. No big purchases on either side. Write your boundaries on paper before you discuss them. No dinners/no overnighters etc. He gets to be a single dad. I know you are afraid of this hurting the kids. They won't like it one bit. They don't like it now. This is a reality of divorce. He needs to FEEL what a divorce is like. It's my hope that he wakes up with the REALITY of divorce. You've catered to him Lost. You've kept your mouth shut. You have waited patiently. You haven't gotten you needs met. He needs to FEEL it. I did many of these things but much later on. Do this now and get it settled earlier.