outinthecold

The post has become long and lengthy. I am going to attempt to tell my story in a shortened synopsis.

My story, it started last March during the week of my 24th anniversary with my now X. She and I met 24 years ago on March 8th late in the evening. My roommates and I were driving back from an evening of gambling at the local harness racing establishment, Northville Downs. I believe we won about $20 between the four of us and headed home for a night of pizza and sports watching. No such things as movie rentals back then.

My roommate is a good looking blonde polish boy. We drove next to another car, a station wagon to be specific. There were three(3) girls in the car and the girl driving was winking at my roommate. So Al, my roommate rolled down the window and yelled, “Hey you girls want to go drinking with us?” She yelled back, “Yeah!!!” so Al said, “Follow us”.

The girls came back to our dorm with us. We found out they were in high school. So scared we were. They ran around made a bunch of noise and the RA wanted to kick them out since we were in a single males dorm. My X was in one of the rooms down the hall and was typing (yes on a typewriter) a happy birthday message to the guy who lived in the room.

I sat next to her, it was something in the way she smiled at me, something in her eyes. I didn’t know it at the time but I was in love with her from that moment on. She left her full name in the birthday message. Then she was gone, kicked out of the dorm along with her friends. I only knew what city she was from, so it took me the next two weeks to find her in the phone book. I called all the last names in her area and finally located her mother.

We talked for hours on the phone at first, then we started dating, then we broke up a month later. I was headed to Army training for ROTC for the entire summer. When I came back at the end of the summer I called her to see how she was doing. She was crying in a closet in her house because of a party that had gone bad. She said, “I love you” on the phone. Not what I expected. I thought she would be dating a nice guy and tell me everything was going great. We made plans to see each other, she enrolled in the same college I was attending and we have not been apart until now.

Four children later, a stint on active duty as an Army officer, working as a software/technology guy. We are a month from being divorced.

What can I say, we had our problems. Money, arguments pick one they are the same as everyone else.

She believed we were different somehow. We were worse then others, not meant for each other.

She masks what happened by just saying, “our marriage is over”. Funny part about that is, she didn’t leave until she met this guy at work. In her own words, “He gave me the support I needed to leave”.

I ask a few questions, “Why did you not leave until now? Why did it take another man to support you to leave? Why are you involved with him now?”. No answer.

From our anniversary of March 8th this past year, two months pass, she wants to separate, she moves out in June, she starts to date him immediately upon moving in to her apartment. I find out because I see a half dressed picture of him mixed in among the pictures of our children (I cried for what seems like years). I made her tell the children, I cannot lie to them, she said, “we are not out in the open”, of course I ask why not? What are you hiding or who are you hiding from?

The two middle kids reject her now after finding out about the other guy, especially the older middle child. She blames her for everything. She wants nothing to do with her.

I no longer look at her; I stare at the floor when I speak to her now. I feel shame.

So we are about a few weeks from being divorced.

I’ve detached emotionally. It took me a long time. Something that I never thought would happen. The hurt is mostly gone. Sometimes I relapse. Don’t think I managed to do this alone. Friends I never thought I had, office people reached out to me telling me their stories of hurt and resolve. Online places like this one and all the wonderful people reaching out to me to give me a hand.

My story, it has not ended yet, I take it day by day.