BigBadWolf

I wrote this in response to another question about what I wished I had known from the beginning of marriage, but it may generate interest here also...

I've been married for over 20 years, with 3 kids. I would describe myself as extremely happy. Here's some of the things I wished I'd known from the very beginning:

1. Sex is the number one crucial gateway to a man's emotional well being and the absolute center to an emotional connection to his wife. Unfortunately due to political correctness or whatever, sex today tends to be viewed as "dirty" or "bad" and, more often than not, ends up being nothing more than a carrot dangled by the wife as a reward or punishment to control a husband's behavior. When this happens, you get 99 percent of the problems you find on forums such as these. A husband gets resentful and withdraws to sports, hobbies, work, ANYTHING but his wife. And guess what, the wife resents this behavior, witholds sex, turns to friends, daytime television, food, ANYTHING to try to make herself feel better about her husband's rejection.

2. In an intimate relationship, especially behind closed doors, stereotypes are true. A man needs to be a man - to guide and be a leader, a woman needs to be a woman - she needs to feel protected and adored. A man's tendency, especially in these modern times, is to treat his wife like a business partner or fishing buddy. This is a good way to invite resentment and affairs into any marriage, no matter how strong or perfect it may look like on the outside.

3. Many women like to be spanked. I'm serious, and I wish this was stated on every marriage license issued. As a man this goes against so much of what I thought I knew about how to treat a woman, but it's a darn good way to make number 2 a powerful and fun part of marriage and sex. Near as I can figure, it's like women have, at their core, the opposite of a man's ego, something inside them that tells them they are "bad", or "ugly", or "worthless." My wife tells me she loves being spanked, especially if she is acting "overwhelmed" or overly "emotional", and afterwards she feels both emotionally refreshed and intensely sexually charged, and I get the benefits of both. I swear I'm not making this up.

4. One of the best things a man can do is take charge of the relationship sexually. In my marriage, we have a "100 percent policy", which simply states I get what I want when I want it. What does this do? It makes me RESPONSIBLE to make sure the emotional connection between my wife and I is ALWAYS strong (see number 1), it allows our entire existence to be "foreplay", as both my wife and myself seem to be always somewhat "turned on" by each other. She is sexually charged by the "dominance" that I have, and I am emotionally connected to her every glance, word, or movement. There is no downward spiral of "rejection" that comes from a wimpy man having to beg an insecure wife to please consider intercourse. Our sex is passionate, primal, exploratory, and spontaneous (did I mention we've been married over 20 years?). I don't waste my time watching sports, having affairs, or wishing I was dead, while my wife nags and complains that I never pay attention to her. My days with my wife are spent flirting with her, our shopping trips usually involve me picking out something nice for her to wear, and at my career I can be absolutely confident and focused, and I can say without reservation I absolutely love an adore my wife 24/7.

Good luck.