cao428

Hi LostandAlone,

I think you should put your foot down and tell her, like I told my husband about going to China that you don't trust her because of her behavior and you don't want her going that close to where he is. Tell her to have her sister come out to visit you. (If her sister doesn't have the money for the flight, maybe you could help out?) I think if you look at this as a "healthy boundary" with her you will feel better. I don't know how she will react, but worth considering..?

I threatened seeing a lawyer with my husband the day I asked him to burn the photo in front of me and I walked out the door. He called me on the phone in an emotional state and asked me to come home. He was on best behavior after that for a while. The fact is I went to pamper myself (get my nails done) which was much needed after the emotional upset I was going through, although I had already seen a lawyer so had one lined up. My problem is if I have to go for a divorce I don't have the cash...but will have to dip into my 401K. I want to avoid going that route, but will if I find out he is continuing to live a second life.

To answer your question about allowing this to continue, I say no, don't allow it. Let her know you expect her to listen to the counselor and end any communication with him or you are done and will be forced to "make other plans" (you don't have to say the "D" word) This is similar to what the counselor told me that unless I made sure he ended his EA by asking him to leave and therefore to be forced to face the music, that I wouldn't have a marriage because it would continue and I would lose him to her. So my advice is do not allow it, by whatever way you have to.
Take care