Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

burntsienna · 06-28-2008, 02:48 PM

Ok, advice from someone who is married to a recovering alcoholic which won't consist of enabling...

YOU have to draw the line. The only person that can help him is HIM, but YOU don't have to help him. Get it?
A person who choses alcohol over his family, choses to drink and drive repeatedly with no regards to his own life, car, family or others on the road, and someone who lets alcohol cause this much grief IS an alcoholic. I'm sorry, you don't have to be homeless or have robbed to be an addict. The minute you chose alcohol first, you've become an alcoholic.
Basically, from what you said, he is either in denial of his problem or cannot admit his problem. So, you're in for one terrible ride until he does (which could be never).
My husband had gone through rehab and 4 months later was back to being a "weekend warrior." And no, it was NOT ok. Some people cannot drink ever, and a lot of the times their friends don't understand that. So, a year after rehab, I took what little money I had (which believe me was hardly enough) and moved into a crappy studio apartment. And let me tell you - for the first time in years I felt free. I really felt free. I was no longer his mother, his babysitter, his cop - his enabler. I was me and I could live my life.
That was my husband's bottom. That made him realize that even one drop of alcohol was not acceptable. In the end he chose me.

The lesson here is that you have to decide what YOU want and what is best for the children. Even if that means struggling hardcore financially for a while. Do not wait for him to "come around." All that does is prolong everyone's suffering. Stand up for yourself, don't think for a second that you have anymore control over his drinking than he does. It is not your responsibility. YOU and your children are your responsibility.

Definitely find yourself a good support group. Good luck, believe me I understand how hard it is.

06-28-2008, 02:48 PM	#6 (permalink)
burntsienna Registered User Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 1	Re: alcohol abuse? Ok, advice from someone who is married to a recovering alcoholic which won't consist of enabling... YOU have to draw the line. The only person that can help him is HIM, but YOU don't have to help him. Get it? A person who choses alcohol over his family, choses to drink and drive repeatedly with no regards to his own life, car, family or others on the road, and someone who lets alcohol cause this much grief IS an alcoholic. I'm sorry, you don't have to be homeless or have robbed to be an addict. The minute you chose alcohol first, you've become an alcoholic. Basically, from what you said, he is either in denial of his problem or cannot admit his problem. So, you're in for one terrible ride until he does (which could be never). My husband had gone through rehab and 4 months later was back to being a "weekend warrior." And no, it was NOT ok. Some people cannot drink ever, and a lot of the times their friends don't understand that. So, a year after rehab, I took what little money I had (which believe me was hardly enough) and moved into a crappy studio apartment. And let me tell you - for the first time in years I felt free. I really felt free. I was no longer his mother, his babysitter, his cop - his enabler. I was me and I could live my life. That was my husband's bottom. That made him realize that even one drop of alcohol was not acceptable. In the end he chose me. The lesson here is that you have to decide what YOU want and what is best for the children. Even if that means struggling hardcore financially for a while. Do not wait for him to "come around." All that does is prolong everyone's suffering. Stand up for yourself, don't think for a second that you have anymore control over his drinking than he does. It is not your responsibility. YOU and your children are your responsibility. Definitely find yourself a good support group. Good luck, believe me I understand how hard it is.