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melancholyman · 12-01-2009, 11:07 AM

I've never heard of a situation where a trial separation doesn't become permanent, but then again, my experience is limited to myself and 2 others, so your mileage may vary.

First things first, it's good that you're talking about it, even if it's just to a message board. Especially THIS message board. You won't believe how liberating and empowering it can be, especially when everyone on the board can relate in some way and can offer support, advice or give you a harsh reality check, if necessary.

Now, it's been my experience that if she wants the separation, she's doing it to further whatever relationship she has going on the side and to distance herself from you. And she will not be the one to want the reconciliation. It will be you, and she will enjoy the attention she is now getting from her side-piece(s) and you, but knowing that she can have you anytime is not a challenge.

So, she's going to have to play this out until she realizes the OM is not going to be a long-term committed relationship. At that point, she may return to you for a short while (safety net). She'll expect YOU to have made all the changes and try to win HER back. But, she will have gained newfound confidence and independence and may choose to continue to pursue that. She will not want to return to what she ran away from, partly because of guilt, so you need to steel yourself for that possibility.

The plus side for you is, you haven't given up on yourself, and you realize that she may not be willing or capable to make this thing work. Keep strengthening your resolve, knowing that if she chooses not to continue with you, she will have lost a better man than she first gained and that someone will recognize you for your true worth and be everything to you your wife couldn't/wouldn't be.

12-01-2009, 11:07 AM	#9 (permalink)
melancholyman Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 58	Re: Lonely I've never heard of a situation where a trial separation doesn't become permanent, but then again, my experience is limited to myself and 2 others, so your mileage may vary. First things first, it's good that you're talking about it, even if it's just to a message board. Especially THIS message board. You won't believe how liberating and empowering it can be, especially when everyone on the board can relate in some way and can offer support, advice or give you a harsh reality check, if necessary. Now, it's been my experience that if she wants the separation, she's doing it to further whatever relationship she has going on the side and to distance herself from you. And she will not be the one to want the reconciliation. It will be you, and she will enjoy the attention she is now getting from her side-piece(s) and you, but knowing that she can have you anytime is not a challenge. So, she's going to have to play this out until she realizes the OM is not going to be a long-term committed relationship. At that point, she may return to you for a short while (safety net). She'll expect YOU to have made all the changes and try to win HER back. But, she will have gained newfound confidence and independence and may choose to continue to pursue that. She will not want to return to what she ran away from, partly because of guilt, so you need to steel yourself for that possibility. The plus side for you is, you haven't given up on yourself, and you realize that she may not be willing or capable to make this thing work. Keep strengthening your resolve, knowing that if she chooses not to continue with you, she will have lost a better man than she first gained and that someone will recognize you for your true worth and be everything to you your wife couldn't/wouldn't be.