Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

wonder · 06-30-2008, 10:32 AM

1st post and it will be long. The husband and I met when we were 19 (we're going to be 30 this yr). I'm the only 1 he's ever been with (can't say the same for me). We got married quickly (within 2 yrs) so he could get financial aide for school.. I got pregnant less than a yr into our marriage so we didn't have much of a honeymoon phase. A little further on I was in and out of the hospital for about a yr due to health problems. II've had a few surgeries and have been under restrictions (which have recently been lifted). I told him from the very beginning how being with me would be like and have given him chances to walk away. But he kept saying he could handle it and stayed. recently he told me that for the past 2 yrs something was wrong and he didn't know what it was and he was unhappy. We started counceling and issues that he hadwith me came out. I've worked on them, but he said i only did it for him. now he's saying he still cares for me and we're friends, but there's no romantic feelings anyymore. He wants to try to work things out because he doesn't want throw away 10 yrs. How can we work things out? How can he get those feelings back. I know deep down he feels that he missed out in lfe by only being with 1 woman and getting married so young. I feel bad about that, but he's the 1 who 1st brought up marriage. He's the 1 who decided to only be with me. The therapist suggested he may be depressed and he might need individual counceling. Of course he completely dismissed the notion and now thinks therapy is stupid and he doesn't want to go anymore. Besides all we do in our sessions is fight. He'll keep going because he wants to do whatever it ttakes if our marriage can be saved or not. I asked if he resented me or not and he said no but he may have been sparing my feelings since he knows how hurt I am about all of this. Any advice on if he's just bored? What can I do to help him get those feelings back? We tried going out just the 2 of us but we either go to the movies and not talk, go for a drink and have uncomfortable silence (I try talking to him but only get 1 word replies), or we wind up going with a group of people so we get no time alone.

06-30-2008, 10:32 AM	#1 (permalink)
wonder Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 41	Is he bored or really not in love? 1st post and it will be long. The husband and I met when we were 19 (we're going to be 30 this yr). I'm the only 1 he's ever been with (can't say the same for me). We got married quickly (within 2 yrs) so he could get financial aide for school.. I got pregnant less than a yr into our marriage so we didn't have much of a honeymoon phase. A little further on I was in and out of the hospital for about a yr due to health problems. II've had a few surgeries and have been under restrictions (which have recently been lifted). I told him from the very beginning how being with me would be like and have given him chances to walk away. But he kept saying he could handle it and stayed. recently he told me that for the past 2 yrs something was wrong and he didn't know what it was and he was unhappy. We started counceling and issues that he hadwith me came out. I've worked on them, but he said i only did it for him. now he's saying he still cares for me and we're friends, but there's no romantic feelings anyymore. He wants to try to work things out because he doesn't want throw away 10 yrs. How can we work things out? How can he get those feelings back. I know deep down he feels that he missed out in lfe by only being with 1 woman and getting married so young. I feel bad about that, but he's the 1 who 1st brought up marriage. He's the 1 who decided to only be with me. The therapist suggested he may be depressed and he might need individual counceling. Of course he completely dismissed the notion and now thinks therapy is stupid and he doesn't want to go anymore. Besides all we do in our sessions is fight. He'll keep going because he wants to do whatever it ttakes if our marriage can be saved or not. I asked if he resented me or not and he said no but he may have been sparing my feelings since he knows how hurt I am about all of this. Any advice on if he's just bored? What can I do to help him get those feelings back? We tried going out just the 2 of us but we either go to the movies and not talk, go for a drink and have uncomfortable silence (I try talking to him but only get 1 word replies), or we wind up going with a group of people so we get no time alone. Last edited by wonder; 06-30-2008 at 11:12 AM.