casualty81

Hi, this is my first time here. I thought this was a great place to get a second opinion (or more if possible).

Here it goes.

Right now I'm living the all so common all so typical sex drought. The one where the man always gets shut down because she has a headache, she's too tired, our child (well hers from a previous relationship but I treat as my own) might hear us. Now I may sound like a the stereotypical macho man by making this comment but I really am not. I do everything in my power to make sure her needs are satisfied in everyway but it feels like she's withdawing more and more the more I try to satisfy her needs.

I cook i would say 9 meals out 10, I do most of the laundy, I do most of the house cleaning and dishes, I take care of our daughter and do so many outings with her (a heck of a lot more than her biological father), I make sure the bills are paid, I do all of the lanscaping and gardening. When I come home from a nightshift I stay up longer in the morning to make breakfast and prepare the little for daycare so she doesnt have to rush to get to work...and the list goes on. On the emotional said of her needs I always try to communicate how I feel and ask how she feels. I tell her that I love her, show her affection buy kissing her forehead, rubbing her back and caressing her, and tell her that she's beautifull and amazing and I make sure to do it everyday. I even cuddle with her while she watches her oh so captivating reality shows like "America's Next Top Model" and "The Bachelorette" to get some alone time with her (now really, I need to be a pretty alright guy to pull that off).

In return I don't need much to be happy. Just some affection and some physical intimacy. But we barely make love twice a month. 90% of the time when I try to get inimate she comes up with she too tired or not in the mood or that all that I have on my mind is sex. Well guess what it is!!!! Wanna know why? Because I never get any. But the thing is that I'm not just in it to get lucky. I need to feel that closeness that it brings, I need to feel loved other than verbally. I need something concrete to fulfill my needs of love and intimacy. Yes I'm a man but I also have needs.

When we first started we had a long distance relationship seeing each other every second weekend. Back then I had no complains. Things were perfect in everyway. We would be intimate most of the nights of the weekend that we would see each other. Six months later she moved in with me everything just vanished. I knew that things werent always gonna be that steamy but to go from that to practically having to beg to have her even touch me just baffles me.

Yes since that move there have been many changes in her life. SHe had to move from another town, she got a new job (but better than what she had), we bought a new house, she's going back to school part-time to finish her masters and we are planning our wedding. I'll admit it is a lot and I totally understand that it's probably the last thing that is on her mind. But I do everything to free up her time so that she can give me even just a half hour of lovemaking. All she does during the time that I manage to free for her is watch her shows. It's like "Hello, I'm still here and still love you very much. Did you forget about me?" But everytime I try to talk about it she gets upset so now I always feel like I'm nothing but an nuissance.

I've gone to a counsellor to try to help me and give me pointers and she told me that I should not feel like I'm I'm annoying her. That my needs of intimacy have to be fulfilled just like her needs have to be. I'm pretty sure that I'm doing a pretty good job. I've tried to get her to see a counsellor as well but she never takes the initiatives to make an appointment. It makes me feel like I'm the only one working to make this relationship work. I've even read a book called "The 10 Second Kiss" to try and rekindle the spark. It says that fitting a 10 second kiss everyday in our busy schedule should get things moving but she cant even do that. She can't even kiss me for a lousy 10 seconds because she's too busy.

We are planning to get married within 3 months but I have troubles picturing myself for 50 years of almost sexless life. Are we making a mistake? I really do love her with all of my heart but lately I feel like its a oneway relationship. I know that many couples are in even worse situations than us and still live a somewhat happy life but I feel like once every 2 weeks is not enough for me and I find myself getting more and more depressed with every day that goes by.

I'm really trying hard to get over this rough patch but I gotta admit it is taking its toll on me.

Am I just whining for nothing and being to needy like she says or do I have a ligitimate reason for feeling this way? Right now I just want to give her some of what she's been giving me. I feel like I should stop doing any house work, any sweet gestures or even start going out all the time to let her see what she has and how life is without me around. Is that a bad idea?

Thanks to anyone who gives me some feedback