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AZMOMOFTWO · 06-30-2008, 05:10 PM

I have been married for 17 years and I just learned our marriage is in trouble....it has been for a couple of years but I was blissfully unaware. We have two kids and they take a lot of our time as we have them in multiple sports/activites. My husband is an excellent father and the kids love him dearly. One night I brought up something that he was doing to let him know it bothered me and this began a discussion that is still so surreal. He said that something is missing in our relationship and he doesn't want to go on this way. Stunned I asked if he wantd a separation and he said "I don't think that is a good idea". We talked for awhile, no accusations just pure honestly and the issues is that he doesn't know the issue just said something is missing. He recently hit 40 and he looks great, looks much younger that his age. I look younger than my age too but not in as good of shape. I've always meant to get back in shape after having children but never had time. This bothers him. Also I've spent way too much time at work and when I am home I am often working. His business had slowed and I took on more work to ensure we met our financial obligations and it took me away from my family. I became short-tempered with the kids and there was a lot of yelling. But he'd always say that despite the fact that we are having trouble with the kids right now we were good with each other. He also felt that I needed to help more in the morning to get the kids off to school. I told him he was right and I do love my family and will do what it takes to fix it. I've turned things around so fast it has surprised me. I know get up bright and early start with a work out, changed my diet (and everyone else's) dropped 25% of my goal weight in the first week and still going strong. I not only got the kids ready for their summer activities/daycare every day but picked them up as well. But mostly I changed my attitude to a positive/happy one. Things seemed to improve...but being someone who needs to know where he is at I think I pushed him to talk about it too much as things were going so much better and then when I brought it up again he now seems depressed. He told me he is trying to just not check out and not try....he also admits that he knows he will not feel differently in such a short time but sees the big changes and its in the right direction. He really doesn't want to consider counseling. He has a tough time with talking about his feelings and I think he's done about as much of that for right now as he can handle its more important I think to figure out how to reconnect and get that special connection between us back and focus on the future. Any ideas on how we reconnect? I am still very deeply in love with him and really want to save this marriage!

06-30-2008, 05:10 PM	#1 (permalink)
AZMOMOFTWO Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Posts: 282	Help! I want to save this marriage I have been married for 17 years and I just learned our marriage is in trouble....it has been for a couple of years but I was blissfully unaware. We have two kids and they take a lot of our time as we have them in multiple sports/activites. My husband is an excellent father and the kids love him dearly. One night I brought up something that he was doing to let him know it bothered me and this began a discussion that is still so surreal. He said that something is missing in our relationship and he doesn't want to go on this way. Stunned I asked if he wantd a separation and he said "I don't think that is a good idea". We talked for awhile, no accusations just pure honestly and the issues is that he doesn't know the issue just said something is missing. He recently hit 40 and he looks great, looks much younger that his age. I look younger than my age too but not in as good of shape. I've always meant to get back in shape after having children but never had time. This bothers him. Also I've spent way too much time at work and when I am home I am often working. His business had slowed and I took on more work to ensure we met our financial obligations and it took me away from my family. I became short-tempered with the kids and there was a lot of yelling. But he'd always say that despite the fact that we are having trouble with the kids right now we were good with each other. He also felt that I needed to help more in the morning to get the kids off to school. I told him he was right and I do love my family and will do what it takes to fix it. I've turned things around so fast it has surprised me. I know get up bright and early start with a work out, changed my diet (and everyone else's) dropped 25% of my goal weight in the first week and still going strong. I not only got the kids ready for their summer activities/daycare every day but picked them up as well. But mostly I changed my attitude to a positive/happy one. Things seemed to improve...but being someone who needs to know where he is at I think I pushed him to talk about it too much as things were going so much better and then when I brought it up again he now seems depressed. He told me he is trying to just not check out and not try....he also admits that he knows he will not feel differently in such a short time but sees the big changes and its in the right direction. He really doesn't want to consider counseling. He has a tough time with talking about his feelings and I think he's done about as much of that for right now as he can handle its more important I think to figure out how to reconnect and get that special connection between us back and focus on the future. Any ideas on how we reconnect? I am still very deeply in love with him and really want to save this marriage!