BlueCreek

To answer your last question first, Yes it is a bad idea. The whole "two wrongs do not make a right" thing. You withhold from her, she's not going to suddenly "see your point" but rather she is going to withdraw even more and be ticked off. You won't be coming from a place of trying to understand each other at that point, which is where you both need to be. It's easy to get into sort of a catch-22 scenario that runs out of control, especially when you are not married yet and it is much easier to back out than really work on things.

It is important to realize that if she otherwise is kind and good to you, that her lack of desire most likely has absolutely nothing to do at all with her love for you. She probably loves you very much, but since sex doesn't do anything for her and is not at all tied to her happiness, she just can't comprehend that it does for you. I mean, how stupid is that? What should sex have to do with emotional happiness? I'm plenty happy and I don't need sex, our love has so much more than that! Well....for many people it has A LOT to do with our happiness.

I can certainly say that I sympathize and that I have been there myself. I went through a couple 6 month droughts with my wife in between when we got engaged and were actually married, and many more since then until my wife finally "got it." What makes it frustrating for many is not that the spouse has that much less of a desire/libido, but that s/he often don't see it as an issue, but as their partner's problem, so they don't make any effort to change or compromise. And that's not an insult to you because she probably loves you, but simply does not comprehend how much your emotional needs depend on your physical ones. For the person with the low desire (man or woman) they do not need it to be happy or satisfied with the marriage, and often see the sex more as an "itch" the other person needs to scratch every now and then. The way they can see it, having their partner feel sex is so important almost trivializes their love. They often don't realize how much our happiness and sanity are wrapped into the feeling of being loved that nothing can give us quite like physical intimacy. I spent years dropping hints to my wife about it's importance to me, getting mad every six months or so, pointing out how many weeks/months/whatever it had been since the last time we made love, getting all depressed and withdrawn at times, remarking on "averages" I read now and then, none of which ever made a difference. Oh sure, she'd feel guilty for a month or two here and there after I tried to talk with her about it, but then it always reverted to same old same old. She has always showered me with love, she just never understood that as much as she loved me in her ways, her physical rejections negated almost all of it. It wasn't that I didn't appreciate them, but they were all over shadowed by the needs that weren't being met.

It wasn't until a while back I sat her down late one night after our two boys were in bed and told her flat out that I was unhappy and had been unhappy for much of the time we'd been together and things needed to change. I didn't threaten divorce, I was adamant that I would never leave her, but I let her know I had been hiding my unhappiness for years and that wasn't helpful for any of us anymore. It was like a sucker punch to her gut, her words. Until that night, she had never understood that even with all the ways she showed me her love, that it had not been enough for me. That there was simply nothing that could replace the emotional need I had for the physical intimacy I had been missing for years. It took that for her to realize that it was "our" problem and not "mine" to deal with as an "over sexed man." Once she truly understood its importance to me, it became a priority for her to do what she could to change things.

I can tell you this, until your gf gets it. Until she really understands why it is important and how your happiness depends on it, she'll never compromise with your needs, at least not permanently. I imagine you're kind of like me. You do everything you can to make your partner happy, but you NEED something different than she does. You make an issue about the sex, and you try and explain it, but it just feels like it falls on deaf ears even though you know your partner loves you and appreciates you. But it will start to affect you, eventually, no matter how strong your morals, it will start to affect you. You cannot last in a relationship for life when your most important base need for feeling loved is not given to you, no matter how many other ways your partner does love you.

I lasted seven years, being as good a husband as I could even though I was lonely, rejected and sad inside. I used to lie in bed awake almost every single night wondering why the hell the woman next to me didn't want me even remotely they way I wanted her. But I really wish I hadn't. I had a couple huge fights with my wife early on over sex that completely drained my desire to talk with her about it, but I wish I had learned a long time ago how to properly discuss with her the importance of making love to her was for me. I have just the marriage I want now, but gave up far more years than I needed to avoiding or attempting to address the issue incorrectly. It wasn't easy for her, and there were things I needed to change and compromises I needed to make as well, but it had a happy ending and I hope yours does too.