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desperatelyseeking · 12-09-2009, 10:00 AM

I understand what you are asking for and I don't think it is a lot. It is pretty much a part of my problem with my husband as well. I don't feel I have his support, his backing or his respect. I too am very vocal and very clear about what I need, what I want. I am not arrogant about how I go about telling these things to him. In fact, while on some occasions it has come out in a form of 'you are not meeting my needs' in the course of an argument, most times it is the polar opposite of that. I have had sit down conversations initiated by me where I have told him of the deep needs I have but nothing happens, nothing changes.

When we have a difference of opinion, particularly with regards to my children (we are a blended family), I've told him, look I don't need you to fully agree with me, but I do need you to respect my opinion and my views and back me up. My husband has been in my life for 2 years and not so fully involved in my childrens lives or have bothered to really get to know them enough with genuine interest to form such opinions as the ones that he forms. My kids are 20 and 17.... there is a lot that has transpired in their lives prior to him ever entering my life that he just has no clue about. He'll tell me I haven't taught my kids this or that... excuse me, what would he know, he wasn't there. He hasn't been there every time I have gotten in my kids face to tell them something they are doing is wrong. Who is he to judge. Especially considering his kids are not the best behaved either.

In fact, they have been highly disrespectful and rude. They have done things, said things to me in front of my kids that my kids have looked at me and said "mom, if we ever did that" and I cut them off to say, "I know, lets not go there cause I'm trying to remember they are my step-children and I have to respect the way their parents deal with stuff like this too".... this has resulted in most times me just saying something to my husbands kids like "look, other's may not mind you speaking to them that way, but I do and you will not speak to me in that tone or turn your back on me when I am speaking to you so go to your room and don't come out until I call you".

My kids would NEVER have gotten away that easy had they literally turned their back on my, crossing their arms and huffing and puffing when I told them something. Especially not at 4 & 5 years old. Just wouldn't happen.

But basically.... I understand what you are saying and agree, if you can't feel that your husband is your protector, your biggest supporter, your encourager, your best friend, etc... it is very difficult to want to be remotely intimate with them. Every woman wants to know that when push comes to shove her husband is going to be standing right there beside her... because afterall, most women, most wives.... that's what they do for their husbands or at least are willing to do.

12-09-2009, 10:00 AM	#8 (permalink)
desperatelyseeking Registered User Join Date: Dec 2009 Posts: 24	Re: Can men really handle the truth? I understand what you are asking for and I don't think it is a lot. It is pretty much a part of my problem with my husband as well. I don't feel I have his support, his backing or his respect. I too am very vocal and very clear about what I need, what I want. I am not arrogant about how I go about telling these things to him. In fact, while on some occasions it has come out in a form of 'you are not meeting my needs' in the course of an argument, most times it is the polar opposite of that. I have had sit down conversations initiated by me where I have told him of the deep needs I have but nothing happens, nothing changes. When we have a difference of opinion, particularly with regards to my children (we are a blended family), I've told him, look I don't need you to fully agree with me, but I do need you to respect my opinion and my views and back me up. My husband has been in my life for 2 years and not so fully involved in my childrens lives or have bothered to really get to know them enough with genuine interest to form such opinions as the ones that he forms. My kids are 20 and 17.... there is a lot that has transpired in their lives prior to him ever entering my life that he just has no clue about. He'll tell me I haven't taught my kids this or that... excuse me, what would he know, he wasn't there. He hasn't been there every time I have gotten in my kids face to tell them something they are doing is wrong. Who is he to judge. Especially considering his kids are not the best behaved either. In fact, they have been highly disrespectful and rude. They have done things, said things to me in front of my kids that my kids have looked at me and said "mom, if we ever did that" and I cut them off to say, "I know, lets not go there cause I'm trying to remember they are my step-children and I have to respect the way their parents deal with stuff like this too".... this has resulted in most times me just saying something to my husbands kids like "look, other's may not mind you speaking to them that way, but I do and you will not speak to me in that tone or turn your back on me when I am speaking to you so go to your room and don't come out until I call you". My kids would NEVER have gotten away that easy had they literally turned their back on my, crossing their arms and huffing and puffing when I told them something. Especially not at 4 & 5 years old. Just wouldn't happen. But basically.... I understand what you are saying and agree, if you can't feel that your husband is your protector, your biggest supporter, your encourager, your best friend, etc... it is very difficult to want to be remotely intimate with them. Every woman wants to know that when push comes to shove her husband is going to be standing right there beside her... because afterall, most women, most wives.... that's what they do for their husbands or at least are willing to do.