adviceseeker

I'm reading all these posts with fascination as I also had issues with sex and would deny my husband for weeks on end. Maybe I can shed some light for some of the other husbands out there. I was abused as a child and continued to have a string of abusive bfs and one attempted rape as a young adult. Before I met my husband it was easy for me to have sex with someone, because I didn't love them so it didn't mean anything and having sex was almost a way of proving that I wasn't affected. With my husband it was different because I had to give so much more of myself to have sex with someone I love. Needless to say that my husband is a saint in this department and I'm sure he spent many a sleepless and frustrated night, but what really helped was talking about things and spending lots of time being physically intimate without having sex. For most women that have been abused they will still feel used every time they have sex, even though they know that you love them. It makes no sense! You have to help her to see that you're not using her. Not easy. You will also need to be sure that you love her and she's worth it because it will take a lot of patience to restore a normal sexual relationship. Don't give up and force her to tackle it and talk about it - don't let her just ignore it or bury it because you'll never have a normal sexlife then. Even if things with my husband don't work out now I owe him the world for teaching me that sex can be a beautiful and normal thing.