Quote:
|
I know that I need to be stronger and wish that it didn't affect me so much. I was just reading a forum about a woman who left her husband for not treating her right and though, wow, I wish I could just walk away and not look back! I'm not saying I would just yet, but knowing that I could would be really empowering...
|
Well, I've never really shared most people's views on this. They usually have a couple of options. One is sitting there being vulnerable and in pain, complaining that they are being hurt. The second is ignoring and saying 'if you don't fix yourself i'll leave'. Third is 'I'm leaving and giving up on this marriage'.
I personally also see a fourth (though most people don't), which is be strong and WORK on the marriage...you...not your spouse..see how this is different from the first few? Why does this never happen? Because people say...if my spouse is being mean, he doesn't deserve me being nice...
However, you are right in saying you should have the strength to leave. Not to actually leave. But because that means you'd be strong enough on your two feet to be objective to the situation and not get so hurt by what he sais.
Quote:
|
1. Being alone for a year will help me get used to life without him so that if he doesn't change, it will be easier for me to be strong and walk away.
|
True, but, why not start now?
Quote:
|
2. Him being gone will help him see how much he appreciates me and that will aid in him changing his behavior.
|
He will appreciate you, for the first couple of months when he comes back. After that it's all on you, whether you've changed to earn his respect or not will influence how he behaves too.
Quote:
|
I know I could be tough and not let him bother me, laugh it off, but I also know I could just be with someone who treated me better and not have to worry about shrugging off abusive behavior... and that sounds like a lot nicer of an option.
|
Look, how to say this. If he's nice to you when other people are around..that means he was raised to be respectful for his spouse. Why he's not nice when you're alone is because he doesn't really respect you. If you can get him to respect you...he'll behave nice when he's alone with you too. This would be someone who treated you better...in the same marriage.
Quote:
|
I would never treat him the way he is treating me and that is the most painful part, its hard to understand someone and their actions when they do things that you would never do.
|
We're all different. He's probably feeling very weird about you breaking down and crying as well. It probably exasperates him. Why? Because he doesn't do that...and would probably never do that. See what i mean?
Just make a decission in your own mind...'from this day on i'm not taking this crap from you anymore'...and be indiferent to it for a while. Don't yell, cry..whatever, don't let it affect you. See how he reacts to that. Throw him a smile once in a while in an arguement. This will make you slowly become detached to his bullying. This sets you in a spot where you will be confident enough to stand up to him or just walk away. Sure...you may end up leaving him etc...but that's a decission a bit further in the future. Think about what you can do NOW about it. Who knows, it may just work. If it doesn't you always have the other options. Just like, when you loose weight, you don't just jump to not eating at all, you slowly build up a plan and stick to it little by little, for it to work.
Good luck.
