Dr. Ellen

Hi Chris,

You can get me to respond anytime, day or night, holiday or not. I value your site and everything you are doing to support relationships. I want to respond to 2 things that “Stumped” has said. First, the belief that “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” I know that I would not be alive today if I had held that belief. When I was originally diagnosed with breast cancer in 1991, my surgeon said I would be lucky to live another 5 years because of the type of cancer I had and the fact that it had spread to my lymph glands. I went to 5 doctors to get more opinions. Each one, in their own way, told me that that I only had a 20% chance of survival and there was very little they could do. One of them told me straight out, to get my affairs in order as soon as possible. I kept searching until I found a doctor who had lots of success stories and told me that I was not a statistic and no one could measure the human will to live. I am still his patient 17 years later!

The next thing I would like to address is the fact that she said, “My concern is right now I feel like I am the one that wants it to work and my husband doesn’t.” I don’t think that is true. I believe that her husband does want it to work. He just doesn’t know what to do to make that happen and therefore feels helpless to change the way he relates to his wife. Most people do not realize that feelings can change in an instant. There is a saying, "If you are facing in the right direction, all you need to do is keep on walking." My life's work is to point people in the right direction so they can love, laugh and deeply connect with each other just like they did in the beginning.

In order to accomplish that, I have developed 2 very different programs, one for men and one for women. I personally feel that when you are both listening to the same information, it's always watered down so that neither of you gets embarrassed or offended. I don't have that problem. When I teach a woman exactly what to say and do to have her husband fall back in love with her, it's for her ears only! When I teach a man what his wife needs in order for her to respond to him again, it's for his ears only! I can be as honest and direct as I need to be.

After doing this for so many years, I really believe that no matter how cold, distant or angry a husband may be right now, deep inside, there is a warm, tender man with a heart of gold. I think that every woman just needs to learn how to bring out the best in him. If a woman is thinking, “Why do I have to do all the work?” she doesn’t! All she has to do is get her husband to commit to listen to his own set for 15 minutes each day on his way to and from work. Whatever she has tried to tell him, I will do it so that he really gets it! Once he understands how easy it is to give a woman the emotional support, understanding, tenderness she needs, he will become a man that is truly worthy of his wife’s love.

Warmest Regards,

Dr. Ellen

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