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Originally Posted by hurtbyher
It sounds like you both have learned together. I made the same mistake 8 years ago , not giving my wife enough attention, and we recovered. However she was back to her old ways and actually had 2 affairs this time just a year ago. I was doing everything right.
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Ouch...sorry to hear about that. The most painful part to me is that I was kept out of the loop. The idea and solidarity coming from "us against the world". Like if she said she needed x, or was feeling x, I would not hold it against her as long as she was totally honest and as long as someone else wasn't getting something from her that she wasn't giving me. I can handle that. I CANNOT handle lies and someone getting something from her that I am not.
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Don't stop giving her attention and keep a watchfull eye and ear for the signs. You have to work hard to keep each other happy. The biggest thing is comunication. We also made a plan to meet for lunch once a month and two weeks from that have a date night on the weekend nearest our wedding anniversary. It is easy to fall into the old routine and neglect each other. Good luck and glad to hear things are going well.
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You are right. We agreed on date nights, but have slacked on that. We both agree to catch that up. She is getting truckloads of attention though, which she is sucking up like a nuclear powered vacuum cleaner. I am realizing that to some women, attention is to them what sex is to men. They crave it and it is almost physically painful when they don't get enough.
I don't really need attention. Hello and goodbye, affection....if I come in from being out, I want her to want to get off the phone or pause the tv or close the computer and talk to me for five minutes. I do that for her, and she is coming around to doing that for me. If I really want to talk occasionally, I want her to want to talk too.
What she needs and what I do not need, are constant hours long conversations about nothing. I am coming around to the idea she just wants to spend time with me. Even if we aren't talking about anything. Long periods of time where the other person is the focus of attention. Even in silence. Honestly I kind of hate that. I like it sometimes, but normally no. I like to do what I like to do and if she wants to do it with me, I am happier to do it with her than alone. But if she doesn't than oh well. But we are learning to compromise.