| | Re: I feel like he pulled the plug
Then that is exactly it. When you look in that mirror and thank god for things in your life, he isn't one of them. Can he ever be one of them again? I dunno honey. My perception of marriage might be distorted, but I always thought that when you married you should be able to tell that person ANYTHING. You can cry to them, vent, let the guard down and just be open and from the heart. Everyone needs someone like that in your life. You have a friend and your mom, but I know what you truly want is for that person to be your husband. As most people want a spouse they can be "real" with.
My best advice is to look at what your thankful for in your life, and then find a way so your are thankful for EVERYTHING. Does that mean a separation? Maybe. Does it mean having to reevaluate what is important to you? Definately. Seeing my husband in that mirror behind me and actually feeling secure actually shocked me. I am sure you read about his having an PA. I thought I would be disgusted. But when I had my moment of completely brutal honesty with myself, I found my answers. They may not always be the answers we want, but we get them anyway.
If there is one solace I can offer you it is this. Look at those beautiful children. Look at yourself. You can get what you want out of this life. You know you can. Stand up straight, look in that mirror and let out an award winning smile. I can't see you, but I can see that woman in the mirror realizing she is worth more than she will ever know!