Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - I feel trapped and have no one to talk to

Married2Young · 12-21-2009, 01:43 PM

First - let me say I'm sorry to all of you who have been cheated on. Let the hate mail begin. I 'cheated' on my wife of 13 years by getting involved with another woman emotionally - no sex, but kissing and texting / talking. I am not proud of it, however, it seemed to have brought out some other issues that I haven't dealt with in my marriage and myself.

I told my wife about it after a couple of weeks. I did it because the guilt was bothering me and I was hoping she would kick me out. She was extremely hurt, but she doesn't believe in divorce and wanted to work through things. At the time, me and the other woman were on the outs anyway - because she didn't like me telling my wife.

In the mean time, we have began talking again. I love this woman and feel like I have more of a future with her than with my wife. We have been seeing each other under the radar for the last couple of weeks and have fallen in love with each other. Yes - as I said, let the hate mail begin. I know I am doing wrong...

The problem is that I don't want to reconcile. I want a new life. This kind of thinking goes against every kind of thinking that I was brought up with. My wife and I are "christians" - I say it that way, cuz I know I am not living a christian life right now. I also know that divorce is going to be extremely tough on my wife as well as my children. Yes - more hate mail. I love this new woman and I want to start a new life with her. I know there is a chance that it won't work out...and I am willing to take that chance and be left with nothing. But I know I haven't been happy with my wife for a couple of years at least. She is a wonderful person and loves me with all her heart, but I don't love her the same way.

Im thinking seriously about moving to another state because we are so integrated in our church that I will be an outcast if I divorce and my city is too small to live with that judgement. However, the reality of not seeing my kids anymore is going to hit me in my heart too.

I have told this other woman that I love her and will divorce my wife because of my past marital problems. And I can't imagine that this woman isn't also part of my reason for seeking divorce. Im beginning to feel trapped by my emotions - the fear of seeing my wife in so much pain while at the same time, wanting to go. My wife doesn't deserve this treatment and I know she doesn't deserve divorce, so either way I am the one that is screwing this all up. But I am not happy either and have no ambition to work things out.

Anyway - there is much more to the story, but that is about all I can write for now. The woman works at the same company I do. The company is owned by one of my family members. My family will most likely forsake me if I divorce. It gets better (sarcasm)...

Does anyone out there have any constructive advice for me other than to tell me that I have done something so entirely wrong and stupid that I should be castrated?

12-21-2009, 01:43 PM	#1 (permalink)
Married2Young Registered User Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 1	I feel trapped and have no one to talk to First - let me say I'm sorry to all of you who have been cheated on. Let the hate mail begin. I 'cheated' on my wife of 13 years by getting involved with another woman emotionally - no sex, but kissing and texting / talking. I am not proud of it, however, it seemed to have brought out some other issues that I haven't dealt with in my marriage and myself. I told my wife about it after a couple of weeks. I did it because the guilt was bothering me and I was hoping she would kick me out. She was extremely hurt, but she doesn't believe in divorce and wanted to work through things. At the time, me and the other woman were on the outs anyway - because she didn't like me telling my wife. In the mean time, we have began talking again. I love this woman and feel like I have more of a future with her than with my wife. We have been seeing each other under the radar for the last couple of weeks and have fallen in love with each other. Yes - as I said, let the hate mail begin. I know I am doing wrong... The problem is that I don't want to reconcile. I want a new life. This kind of thinking goes against every kind of thinking that I was brought up with. My wife and I are "christians" - I say it that way, cuz I know I am not living a christian life right now. I also know that divorce is going to be extremely tough on my wife as well as my children. Yes - more hate mail. I love this new woman and I want to start a new life with her. I know there is a chance that it won't work out...and I am willing to take that chance and be left with nothing. But I know I haven't been happy with my wife for a couple of years at least. She is a wonderful person and loves me with all her heart, but I don't love her the same way. Im thinking seriously about moving to another state because we are so integrated in our church that I will be an outcast if I divorce and my city is too small to live with that judgement. However, the reality of not seeing my kids anymore is going to hit me in my heart too. I have told this other woman that I love her and will divorce my wife because of my past marital problems. And I can't imagine that this woman isn't also part of my reason for seeking divorce. Im beginning to feel trapped by my emotions - the fear of seeing my wife in so much pain while at the same time, wanting to go. My wife doesn't deserve this treatment and I know she doesn't deserve divorce, so either way I am the one that is screwing this all up. But I am not happy either and have no ambition to work things out. Anyway - there is much more to the story, but that is about all I can write for now. The woman works at the same company I do. The company is owned by one of my family members. My family will most likely forsake me if I divorce. It gets better (sarcasm)... Does anyone out there have any constructive advice for me other than to tell me that I have done something so entirely wrong and stupid that I should be castrated?