| | Re: I feel trapped and have no one to talk to
OK, this is my first post, but I must say, dude, I sympathize with you. First of all, forget all this castration and self-hatred stuff. I'm not saying what you did was right, but you sound like a decent person, and let's face it, none of us are perfect. As far as I'm concerned, anybody that would condemn you out of hand is a self-righteous clown. Just my opinion.
Life and love are complicated things. Sometimes we marry the wrong person, sometimes we just grow apart. Personally, I'm not a religious person so I don't have any hangups about marriage being all holy or anything. In fact, I'm struggling with a similar problem right now, although I haven't cheated. But I've wanted to. I've been married for 4 years and my wife and I have a 1 year old son. I've been kinda unhappy for a while now, but I didn't really realize until this past summer when I developed a huge crush on a co-worker. I knew it was wrong, and I didn't even tell this co-worker because I knew nothing could come out of it. But I obsessed about this woman and really wanted her. My wife and I had a big fight, and in the interest of full disclosure, I told her about this other woman. We were on the brink of divorce, because I told her I wasn't sure I loved her anymore, but I decided to stay and work it out. Things got better for a while but I'm already having 2nd thoughts again. I still think about this other woman, and I just can't seem to muster the feelings that a husband should have for his wife. I know she loves me, which is why I'm having such a hard time, otherwise, I would have already left. I'm not sure what to do myself. I should mention that I was an alcoholic when we first met, and I really had no idea who I was. I feel like a totally different person now which is part of the reason I think we grew apart. So I can definitely relate to your dilemma. Unfortunately, I can't tell you what to do.
Anyways, just don't be too hard on yourself. Marriage is serious, but it is not the end of the world if you divorce. Plenty of people do it and move on.