gold907

Thank you Swedish for your words of encouragement and Draconis. My daughter has not been out of my sight for over a month as she is not allowed to go anywhere if I am not with her other than the community service she is doing at the convalescent home. I had told her when the community service was done she could go over friends' houses but until then she was only allowed to have one friend over at our house so she would not be completely cut off from her friends. But since this incident I have taken both phones away from my son and daughter and they will never get them back and they are not allowed to even talk on the house phone with anyone unless they are family. They are not allowed to have friends over indefinitely until I see improvement in their attitude and respect for their step dad. So basically right now they have no social life at all and no tv or video games or computer and thats how its been for the last week. I also told them since there was damage to the truck they will not get new school clothes or birthday presents or Christmas presents from us especially for my daughter since I have to pay $162 to Winco for mascara and eyeshadow. As far as I am concerned that is the consequences for their actions.

Swedish you are right about my husband not understanding the unconditional love we will have for our children and I am sure he will treat and feel differently when our daughter who is 1 1/2 is a teen and gets into trouble. But for now I just dont know how to help him understand. My son who is 12 is closer to him and was deeply hurt by what he said about denying being their father because he has always considered him "dad" since he was only 2 when we met. My ex is not totally bad, just very poor (he has no furniture in his apt at all and he's been living there with his girlfriend and her 2 children for 2 years already and I know he still smokes pot and has no drivers license and cannot get one until he pays all his child support, but he is simply not a good role model) and when my kids do go down to visit, they are more grateful for the things they have at home although they talk to him often especially my daughter like he is their age. All in all he is not the best influence and tells them to go live with him if things get too bad here instead of paying for the consequences of their actions. But you're right, he is really not an option as far as I'm concerned.

My daughter I fear is jealous of the baby and the amount of time I have to spend on her because she is a baby. I think she resents the baby and she always says things like "you would be happier if I left or if I would die, then you wouldn't have to deal with me". Her counselor at school has said she is crying for more attention from me. I personally have a lot on my plate now because I am going to school for my teacher's credential and masters, work and take care of 3 kids. My husband helps a lot when he gets home from work with the baby when I am swamped with homework and even takes the older kids to friends houses or picks up their friends and helps with dinner but I just dont know how to begin to mend the relationship with my older daughter and him.

Thank you so much for reminding me to tell and show him how important he is to our family. I will really try and show him when he decides to come home and start dealing with this situation.